...guess that makes me pansectional
Painful, because they can't c.
It's really Phillysofacal.
Me: I wouldn't think a couch minds many things.
Her: Nah, they're pretty chill.
Me: Yeah. Unless you take off the cushions. That just makes them uncomfortable.
by forgetting your wife's birthday.
I said no honey, I said I was into resting.
Fries
One is a cat loaf and the other is a cattle oaf.
He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"
And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.
15/f daughter: ‘Oh kitty, what are you doing?’
Me: ‘I think she’s fishing.’
Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didn’t groan, roll her eyes, or whine ‘Daaaad’.
Nobody has noticed sofa.
After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.
Sofa Kingdom
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.
So close, yet sofa.
AWOL nut.
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
It becomes a sectional.
They charge per cushion.
But sofa so good.
I got tele-vision
never get old."
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
When I was 15 there was a Home Depot bucket next to the front door for a while. One night I was watching tv with my mom. She was laying on the couch and I was laying on the floor.
My dad got home from work and as he was taking off his boots he asked “Hey, where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” And without skipping a beat I said “I don’t know. Home Depot?” My mom laughed so hard and my dad was pissed. I got grounded for a week for “being a smart ass”.
I’m now 26 and to this day when my dad and I go to Home Depot I always chuckle and point to the buckets and ask “Hey dad, where do you think those come from.”
On one of these trips I picked one up and was examining it when my dad asked me what I was looking for. I turned the bucket upside down and said “Well would you look at that dad. They’re from Lowe’s.” I thought he was gonna knock my ass out right there.
TLDR: My dad: “Where did that Home Depot bucket come from?” Me: “I don’t know. Home Depot?”
Boy, was my face red!
Ouch
But sofa so good.
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
