Did you hear about the judge who ordered coffee to be served only in 32 ounce mugs?

Those failing to comply were charged with Contempt of Quart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2021
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Need help with a good pun using cats, coffee or mugs, and saying thank you for joining us as!

Wedding party favors are cat mugs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NateTrib
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
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Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2022
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For Mother’s Day, I sent my mom a gift coffee mug that says β€œFrom the World’s Best Son.”

I forgot to send it but I think she knows it’s true.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ho2Me9
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2022
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Arrested the coffee mug, but had to let it go...

...since there were no grounds for indictment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserCop2022
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2022
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So there I was this morning, sitting and drinking coffee in my slippers, and I thought to myself..

I should start cleaning a few mugs around here..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2022
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I thought the pattern on my coffee mug was defective...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honeyvcombs99
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Drinking coffee out of a lens mug helps me to focus...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatokingXII
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Me: it’s really muggy outside

Wife: if I go outside and all our mugs are on the lawn I want a divorce

Me: sips coffee from a bowl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Common_Club_3848
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2022
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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This coffee mug
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citizenofgaia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
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So is stealing someone’s coffee classified as mugging?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SexyStingy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Some prefer their coffee in a mini mug

I prefer mine in this giant cup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I need a pun thread about mugs (Gift idea - no dad jokes here)

I love pun threads, and I would like to have one printed on a mug for a gift. Logically, I think the puns should be about mugs, or coffee, being his drink of choice... Figured I would consult the experts here. The pundits, if you will. Please assist me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PureKatie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2021
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Collecting puns of fake companies. Here’s a list

So far I’ve got:

Sandwich co (you can’t beat our meat) IT company (if you’ve got a Trojan we can help) Laundry service (dont press your luck) Organic shop (all we do is pot, and pull hoes) or (getting down and dirty with your hoes) Pet groomers (send your dog to pound town) Transport and travel [by plane] (we’ll get you high) Financial planner (saving lives, with your life savings) Bakery (fresh perky muffins in the front, soft buns in the back) Coffee shop (Mugging you at every corner)

Still looking for raunchy puns and double entendres for:

A Podcast/ music studio A Personal chef A Tour and travel agency A Health care company A Record studio A Game developer A Copyrighting co A Tailor A Garage/bike repair company A Clothing/hat maker A Personal trainer A Truck sharing (moving co) An Architecture bureau or real estate co An Illustrator A Pest control company A Wedding planner A Fishing and charter tour company A Liquor store

Help me out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinomills
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2021
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That one job
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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A man attacked an employee at a Starbucks

The crime was considered a coffee mug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Dad-joked my girlfriend on campus today.

We were walking from the library and I had a travel coffee mug but the little bit of coffee left had gone cold. I dumped the remainder in the grass so I could put it in my backpack.

GF: "Don't dump your coffee in the grass!!"

Me: "It's okay, it's ground coffee" The look on her face...

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Dad: I guess you could say it's a bit muggy outside today

Wife: if I go out side and all our mugs are on the grass I'm leaving you Dad: (sips his coffee from a bowl)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/albertienstien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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Dad nearly made me and mom choke on our coffee

Backstory: I had bought a set of nice Nespresso coffee cups for my parents for Christmas (original, I know). But these aren't your standard, chunky, ceramic Christmas mugs with snowflakes or Santas, but actually something for the type of coffee fanatics that spend their money on Clooney's kind of blend, what else?

So - having dessert; cake, coffee, the whole shabang.

Me, inspecting one of said cups: "I'm glad I actually found a set that doesn't stay in the cupboard all year like literally every other mug you've ever gotten from anyone."

Mom, eating cake: "Mm-hmm."

Me: "Like, these are actually really nice. I like the pattern around the base and how they're round and square at the same time."

Mom, between bites: "They're very nice."

Suddenly, Dad, eating his cake completely silently up until this point: "You should take a picture of them. Might make for a pretty cool mugshot."

Cue me barely managing to swallow my coffee, Mom chuckling into her cup and both our subsequent groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robowiizard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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My uncle told a pretty good dad joke this morning

We were having breakfast and after stirring his coffee he kept the spoon in his mug so it was leaning on the rim. Then he says "This coffee must not be very strong, it can't even hold the spoon upright!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sole_purpose1991
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sparkles22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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What did the coffee report to the police?

A mugging

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leftythebunnyz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2021
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Office theft

Someone stole my coffee cup right off my desk today. I have to go to the police station and look at some mug shots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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Coffee Mug

So I was at a restaurant with my Dad, and he was having some coffee in a mug made by a company called Brasilrecca...

Dad: Do you know what else is a Brasilrecca?

Me: No, what?

Dad: Germany!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamJOM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvlpdillon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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Why did the coffee go to the police

Because it got mugged

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inalieK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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How about it

Why did the coffee file a police report

It got mugged

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwnSpecialist8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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10 Stupid Puns
  1. My friend once told me she watched Regular Show all the time. I said, "I guess you could say you watch it regularly." We are not friends anymore. (True Story)

  2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

  3. I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But IΒ mistΒ my chance. I guess I couldΒ dewΒ itΒ tomorrow!

  4. Looks tasty. Gimme a pizza that.

  5. Why do eggs hate jokes? The answers always crack them up!

  6. What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? "Hey, close the door! I'm dressing!"

  7. Somebody stole all my lamps…. And I couldn't be more de-lighted!

  8. I once met a pig that did karate… We called him Pork Chop!

  9. Coffee has a rough time in our house. It gets mugged every single morning!

  10. My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!

(Source For All Puns Except The First) https://bestlifeonline.com/bad-funny-puns/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Coffee maker asks the coffee pot...

"Where's all the coffee?"

Coffee pot replies, "We were mugged."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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a few jokes that will make u laugh

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Coffee maker: What happened to the coffee I just made?

Coffee pot: I was mugged!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wer190
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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Dad Joked my Wife....

My wife works at the school across the street from our home and she takes two travel mugs to work to get her through the day.

She was telling me the next time we buy whole bean coffee that she wanted to grind it finer so that it would go farther. I asked her "Farther than across the street?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juniorman00
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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ME: honey, it's really muggy out today

WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u

ME: * sips coffee from bowl *

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xpariah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
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Coffee crimes dad joke

If I go to a coffee shop, order some coffee "for here," and have it handed to me, have I been mugged?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realfoodman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2014
🚨︎ report

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