As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head

It's awful to see someone you love mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?

A depresso

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Red-Beaulieu
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Some guy coated all his cups and plates in black varnish.

You might say he japanned his china.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
The nurse at the sperm bank asked if I wanted to masturbate in the cup

I replied: I know I am pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayCola93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
How do you know if you're in a cafe that makes a real good cup of tea?

It's a property

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AEvans1888
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
How do cups get their money?

They mug people.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Two man walk into a coffee shop, one of them orders a Cup of Tea and starts stripping.

The man behind counter says: what the hell is this?

To which the second man says: he's new to Tea

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/helderdude
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Drinking a stranger's cup of tea...

...is really not my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
While at Starbucks, I said I didn't want the sippy cup lip.

They gave me my drink and said "this is the last straw."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Choiceofart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
Optimist: "That cup is half full."

Pessimist: "That cup is half empty." Engineer: "Why are we making the cups so big?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethelabguy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Itty bitty t-cup committee
πŸ‘︎ 220
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."

"I'm breathing underwater."

I've never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I spilled my cup...

... and all I got was this tea shirt

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy-Inkognito
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife heated up a cup of coffee "just for me"

It was Lukewarm

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone for a drink? A nice cup of tee?
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkimus-prime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone offered me a nice cup of green tea

So naturally I said yes, matcha-bliged

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigolbrian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…

… he was mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonoAnonDa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My type of cup
πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shpritzer1
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my coffee cup.

Now I have to go to the police station and look at mug shots.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A Native American man drank 500 cups of tea in one sitting

Nearly drowned in his own teepee

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masters330
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.

She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, β€œwhere do I drop it off?”

She says, β€œGo in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -β€œ

β€œDon’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”

... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorhckmn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said

β€œJust-ice has been served”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderfighter6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A Sippy Cup is called Mr. Sippy, what would you call his wife?

Mississippi.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drogers5606
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Get it? Or it isn't your cup of tea?
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Guess she’s a bee-cup?
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/travislaker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Cup Crimes
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?

He has no need for glasses.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Innarhythm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a cup cake.
πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goosetropolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The next generation will be Cup, Plate, and Bowl
πŸ‘︎ 530
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geng_r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the dad say to his son who wouldn't shut up about buying him a cup so he could play sports?

Oh, put a sock in it!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now everyone waves at me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife's bra has the brand name "Splendid", embroidered on the band under one of the cups ...

I just took a sharpie and wrote "Also quite nice" under the other one.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
cup holder
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misumis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man started beating me with a cup and stole my wallet.

I think I got mugged

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDGabriel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"

GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."

MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"

GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends...

When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."

"You need to buy a different size bra!"

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?

For just-ice

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderfighter6
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My name is Joe. I'm a cup of me.
πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueLieutenant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?

Just an average joe.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?

For God's sake.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjahnMara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?

You both get drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supersam1434
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I spilled my cup...

... and all I got was this tea shirt

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy-Inkognito
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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