What do you call a woman that plays pool while balancing a pint on her head?

Beertrix Potter

(The 'Burnadebt' joke from last night reminded me that my dad told me both those jokes about 25 years ago! Definitely using them if I ever end up being a dad.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haxorjimduggan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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My grandfather’s last words were β€œPints! Litres! Gallons!”

That spoke volumes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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What's Grey And Comes In Pints?

An Elephant

;)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HYGOZE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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The bar man told me it was Β£2 for a pint or Β£7 for a pitcher.

I told him to forget the photo and just gimme a pint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sergioarmagh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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The last thing my grandfather said before he died was "Pints, Litres, Gallons!"

That spoke volumes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic"

The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'l think; therefore, I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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A man threw cheese at me and I thought that’s not mature of him. He came along again and this time he threw a pint of milk at me. HOW DAIRY
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackTMJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.

The bartender says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse says "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy, "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arayakim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Just wanted to pint that out
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He said to the barman " a pint of beer please".

....and one for the road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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A Scottish piece of copper wire walks into a bar, and his friend challenges him to drink a pint of beer in under 2 seconds. He responds...

I conduit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jman2600
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'll have a pint of beer, please...............

........................................ and a packet of peanuts."

"Okay," says the barman. "But why the big pause?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gazcobain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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Pint of less please.

A drunk guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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As the new year was approaching, Watson was out having a few pints with his old drinking buddies

β€œAh yes, Sherlock fancies himself quite the chef. You really must come visit us for dinner Friday at old 221B! There’s no place like Holmes’ for the hollandaise!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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I just had a pint of kangaroo beer

It was a bit too hoppy for me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyupbirch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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An extra pint or two can't hurt. ;)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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I placed my pint down on the table in the pub and one of the waiters walker over to my table.

"Would you like a beer mat?" he asked.

I said, "I prefer cider, pal. And my name isn't Matt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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Whats the difference between a pint and a pee ?

20 Minutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeitoNe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2016
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What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrick_L58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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The last thing my grandfather said before he died was β€œPints, Litres, Gallons!”

That spoke volumes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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