A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, β€œAre you single?” The woman replies, β€œYes, how could you tell?”

β€œBecause you’re ugly.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/some-ginger-dude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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I dragged a quart of milk 3,000ft up El Capitan in Yosemite this week

I dragged a quart of milk 3,000ft up El Capitan in Yosemite to tell this LEDGE AND DAIRY joke to my pun loving climbing partner

https://i.imgur.com/vClqWea.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gtluke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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My grandfather’s last words were, β€œGallons. Quarts. Litres.”

That spoke volumes.

πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Dropping 864 Quarts of Yogurt at Work
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gcarsk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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Why did the milkman play basketball?

He could always make a half quart.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Wife got me today

She's trying to increase her daily water intake. I told her, "If you want to try and keep up, I already finished my first quart for the day." She replied, "No, we don't want to turn this into a pissing contest."

πŸ‘︎ 817
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cplhunter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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So a guys walks into an ice cream shop...

He says to the guy working there "hey can i have a pint of chocolate ice cream?"

The worker says "Sorry sir but we're all out of chocolate."

So the guy says "alright then can i have a quart of chocolate ice cream?"

The worker says "I already told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream."

Then the guy says "fine I guess i'll just have a gallon of chocolate ice cream."

So the worker says "ok sir how do you spell the Van in Vanilla?"

The guy says "V-A-N"

The worker says "good now how do you spell the Straw in Strawberry?"

The guy says "that's easy S-T-R-A-W"

The worker says "now how do you spell the fuck in chocolate?"

The guys says "There is no fuck in chocolate"

"THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!"

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reed99456
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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A soup pun

I ordered a quart of matzoh ball soup from the restaurant across the street. They usually put two matzoh balls per order, but I asked if I could have a third. The guy on the phone said he'd try to fit the extra one in.

When I went to pick up the soup, I asked the guy if he was able to get the third one in the container, and he said "Yup, the ball's in your quart now".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadCorey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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A blonde walks into a gas station

She walks up to an employee and says β€œI need a quart of 710”

Edit: read 710 upside down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitchb0016
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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My mom and I were talking about new tennis courts in our town...

She drew the layout, and each side had four courts. She said, "We're going to have the courts like, this: a court here, a court here-" Then my dad says, "So, if you have four quarts, will you have a gallon?"

My dad and I were the only ones laughing, and my mom says, "Don't laugh at his joke, swingingsalmon."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwingingSalmon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
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My mom brought home half a gallon of half-and-half from the store.

I asked if it could be called quart-and-quart.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedrtaylor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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Forward from dad several years ago...

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, And a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor01001010
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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