Why wasn’t Cardinal Sicola ever elected as pope

Because they didn’t want a Pope Sicola

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Pope decides on new measures to keep Cardinals on their toes.

He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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if i killed the pope, would i have committed a cardinal sin?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zse4rffb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2014
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Did you hear that the Mets, Cardinals, and Rays can't serve beer at their games this year?

They lost the opener!

^^^^my ^^^^dad ^^^^tells ^^^^me ^^^^this ^^^^joke ^^^^every ^^^^damn ^^^^year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssasssafrasss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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My mom saw a bird fly by during breakfast and said, "oh look, a cardinal!"

My dad came back with this gem: "no, I think that's a pope"

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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Who was Ryan Sherriff's (Cardinals Pitcher) favorite baseball player growing up?

David Justice (MLB Commentators provide an endless flow of Dad Jokes)

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
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How long does a cardinal live...

So sitting in the car with my dad and mom back in the day and a discussion about birds arose. It went on and arrived at the lifespan of cardinals.

My mom asks my dad, "How long does a cardinal live?"

He responds, "Probably at least 70 years"

Shocked at why he would think they lived so long, she asked, "Really? What makes you think that?"

He responds, "Well, I figure the pope is about 80 something"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pi34322
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
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Told My Dad About The Cardinals Alleged Cheating Scandal

He said "That's Busch league!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Master_Brewer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2015
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What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danuser8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Catholic priests were forbidden from learning math until the 20th century

Before that it was a cardinal Sin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Two birds run into a bank

Bird 1: what are we doing

Bird 2: we robin

Ik delivery couldve been better but leave me be best my hungover ass can do rn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnBuachaillEire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Who is the official tour guide for the Vatican?

Cardinal Directions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamesNBooks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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What kind of birds are religious?

Birds of Pray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwkwardUkulele7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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What is it called when you can’t identify a red bird?

A cardinal sin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheesewithbeans
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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How did the pope get the bird flu?

From the cardinal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMangsta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Did you hear that the Pope has the avian bird flu?

He got it from one of the cardinals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clitbeastwood
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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I accidentally hit a bird with my car this morning.

Me: I think I hit a cardinal with my car on the way to work.
My husband: At least it wasn't the pope.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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What happens when the pope dies?

Another one popes up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobblepie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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Husband just dropped this on our son.

For context we have a pair of Guinea fowl and a pair of pheasants that have a coop in our back yard.

5 year old son, husband and I discussing our birds. Son: So are our birds married? Me: Yes, didn't you get an invitation? Son: No. Maybe there wasn't room in their coop. Husband: I heard the officiant was a cardinal, and the live entertainment was flock of seagulls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brittanymow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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What do you call a very religious bird?

A bird of pray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Camo_Doge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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What do you call a bird that can only fly North,South, East, or West?

A Cardinal (n,s,e,w are called Cardinal directions)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuffcraft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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NEWS ITEM: "Pope raises all the Vatican urinals."

He wants to keep the Cardinals on their toes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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Did anyone hear about the Pope catching the bird flu?

They say he caught it from a Cardinal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunkishClown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
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This is just a list of 50 famous people but if they were birds.
  • George Washwington
  • Leonarcrow da Vinci
  • Eagle Allen Poe
  • Harry S. Toucan
  • Teddy Dodosevelt
  • Charles Duckens
  • Octavian Owlgustus
  • Flysaac Newton
  • Benchicken Franklin
  • Gullysses S. Grant
  • Vincent Van Goose
  • John Lhawk
  • Charlecrane
  • Pengthoven
  • Nikquaila Tesla
  • Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
  • Charles Darwren
  • Rheasus Christ
  • Broodha
  • King Loony XIV
  • Nenepoleon Bonaparte
  • Mahootma Gandhi
  • Winstint Churchill
  • Genghis Swan
  • Pladove
  • Aleggsander the Great
  • Paul the Apostail
  • Lark Twain
  • Dante Aliturkey
  • Michelangswallow
  • Cardinal Marx
  • Albatross Lincoln
  • Robin E. Lee
  • Adolf Swiftler
  • Alextanager Hamilton
  • Ibis Presley
  • Ronald Raven
  • Arnestotle
  • Emuhammad
  • Sir Francis Beakon
  • Tchaikovskylark
  • Christfowler Columbus
  • Finchard Nixon
  • Henry VIII
  • Albert Einstork
  • Thomas Jayfferson
  • William Shrikespeare
  • Woodcock Wilson
  • King Chorioles I of England
  • Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captbodgers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Dad joked me and Mom over the phone

I called home yesterday for Mother's Day, and both of my parents were on the line at the same time. My mother and I were having a regular boring conversation, and my dad... well... he was keeping himself amused:

Dad: looks out the window Hey, it's a cardinal. pause I didn't know this was a Catholic neighborhood...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killerwhaletank
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Hit me with your puns for a folk festival shirt!

My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2012
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Someone mentioned the Vatican.

My husband: "I've been to Vatican City. There are so many pigeons there." Me: "No, they're called cardinals."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoherentBusyDucks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2015
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Dadjoked my girlfriend over text

GF: I just saw a beautiful pair of cardinals

Me: Did you see any bishops or priests?

She didn't respond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twooof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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My dad ruined seeing a majestic bird

This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...

Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?

Horrifying...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhyeahOhio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2014
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My dad sent me this text last night after Kolten Wong was picked off to end Game 4 of the World Series

"The picked off Cardinal base runner was in the Wong place at the Wong time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acooper1995
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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Dad joked by my husband

In the car this morning, I almost hit a cardinal when it flew out in front of my sedan. I let out a breath because it got close, and I made a comment about how much I hate it when birds do that.

Without missing a beat, my husband nodded and said, "Yeah, birds do that all the time around here. Still haven't seen a chicken cross the road though."

I would have facepalmed if I hadn't been driving. He's ready for fatherhood...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scribblebug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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Listening to the radio....

So. We were listening to the Cardinals almost throw a game to the Titans earlier and the conversation went like this

Me: hey dad is this Sirius radio. We have one in our car too.

Dad: no, sometimes it's funny also.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misslehead3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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My friend beat me to the perfect response...a day later

Walking in the woods and 3yr old sees a bird and points. Grandma: "Oh a look a Cardinal!" Grandpa: "A Cardinal? I didn't know these woods were Catholic!" <Grandpa chuckles> Told my friend about it the next day and his response? "Well...they do have mass..." (Yes my friend is a dad)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thevax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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Did you hear that the Pope is keeping all the Cardinals on their toes?

He raised the Vatican urinals six inches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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How did the pope get the bird flu?

From the cardinal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMangsta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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