Cardinality Puns

Because they didn’t want a Pope Sicola

He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.

Cardinal

One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

They lost the opener!

^^^^my ^^^^dad ^^^^tells ^^^^me ^^^^this ^^^^joke ^^^^every ^^^^damn ^^^^year.

Bird 1: what are we doing

Bird 2: we robin

Ik delivery couldve been better but leave me be best my hungover ass can do rn

Before that it was a cardinal Sin

My dad came back with this gem: "no, I think that's a pope"

Cardinal Directions

Birds of Pray

David Justice (MLB Commentators provide an endless flow of Dad Jokes)

So sitting in the car with my dad and mom back in the day and a discussion about birds arose. It went on and arrived at the lifespan of cardinals.

My mom asks my dad, "How long does a cardinal live?"

He responds, "Probably at least 70 years"

Shocked at why he would think they lived so long, she asked, "Really? What makes you think that?"

He responds, "Well, I figure the pope is about 80 something"

He said "That's Busch league!"

A cardinal sin

He got it from one of the cardinals

Me: I think I hit a cardinal with my car on the way to work.
My husband: At least it wasn't the pope.

Another one popes up.

From the cardinal.

A bird of pray.

For context we have a pair of Guinea fowl and a pair of pheasants that have a coop in our back yard.

5 year old son, husband and I discussing our birds. Son: So are our birds married? Me: Yes, didn't you get an invitation? Son: No. Maybe there wasn't room in their coop. Husband: I heard the officiant was a cardinal, and the live entertainment was flock of seagulls

• George Washwington
• Leonarcrow da Vinci
• Eagle Allen Poe
• Harry S. Toucan
• Teddy Dodosevelt
• Charles Duckens
• Octavian Owlgustus
• Flysaac Newton
• Benchicken Franklin
• Gullysses S. Grant
• Vincent Van Goose
• John Lhawk
• Charlecrane
• Pengthoven
• Nikquaila Tesla
• Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
• Charles Darwren
• Rheasus Christ
• Broodha
• King Loony XIV
• Nenepoleon Bonaparte
• Mahootma Gandhi
• Winstint Churchill
• Genghis Swan
• Pladove
• Aleggsander the Great
• Paul the Apostail
• Lark Twain
• Dante Aliturkey
• Michelangswallow
• Cardinal Marx
• Albatross Lincoln
• Robin E. Lee
• Adolf Swiftler
• Alextanager Hamilton
• Ibis Presley
• Ronald Raven
• Arnestotle
• Emuhammad
• Sir Francis Beakon
• Tchaikovskylark
• Christfowler Columbus
• Finchard Nixon
• Henry VIII
• Albert Einstork
• Thomas Jayfferson
• William Shrikespeare
• Woodcock Wilson
• King Chorioles I of England
• Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

They say he caught it from a Cardinal.

A Cardinal (n,s,e,w are called Cardinal directions)

I called home yesterday for Mother's Day, and both of my parents were on the line at the same time. My mother and I were having a regular boring conversation, and my dad... well... he was keeping himself amused:

Dad: looks out the window Hey, it's a cardinal. pause I didn't know this was a Catholic neighborhood...

He wants to keep the Cardinals on their toes.

My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!

My husband: "I've been to Vatican City. There are so many pigeons there." Me: "No, they're called cardinals."

GF: I just saw a beautiful pair of cardinals

Me: Did you see any bishops or priests?

She didn't respond.

This morning my family was gathered around the table at breakfast...

Me: Oh hey look there's a cardinal out by the tree My dad: Is the pope out there with him?

Horrifying...

In the car this morning, I almost hit a cardinal when it flew out in front of my sedan. I let out a breath because it got close, and I made a comment about how much I hate it when birds do that.

Without missing a beat, my husband nodded and said, "Yeah, birds do that all the time around here. Still haven't seen a chicken cross the road though."

I would have facepalmed if I hadn't been driving. He's ready for fatherhood...

"The picked off Cardinal base runner was in the Wong place at the Wong time."

So. We were listening to the Cardinals almost throw a game to the Titans earlier and the conversation went like this

Me: hey dad is this Sirius radio. We have one in our car too.

Dad: no, sometimes it's funny also.

Walking in the woods and 3yr old sees a bird and points. Grandma: "Oh a look a Cardinal!" Grandpa: "A Cardinal? I didn't know these woods were Catholic!" <Grandpa chuckles> Told my friend about it the next day and his response? "Well...they do have mass..." (Yes my friend is a dad)

He raised the Vatican urinals six inches.

From the cardinal.