Wife: I'm having second thoughts about booking a week long stay at the teepee camp

Me: No, you're just having a reservation reservation reservation

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was on the phone to an airline rep booking a flight.

She asked, "Window or Aisle?"

After a moment, I replied, "or you'll what?"

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AllAboutGuitar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I was really unsure about booking my recent hotel stay.

Had reservations about the whole thing.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BreakBye
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
If you were to second guess your decision on booking a trip to a Native American community....

That would be a reservation reservation reservation

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattyB4x4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
🚨︎ report
After practising for 5 years without getting a single booking, I suggested my son's band change their name to 1023mb

They still haven't got a gig, though.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2016
🚨︎ report
When booking a table for dinner.

Me: Lets go at 7?

Mother: I'll book for 7 then?

Father: 7? There's only 3 of us!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that my air bnb bookings had been decreasing recently

His response: "try earth bnb and then water bnb instead"

.....

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joykin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
🚨︎ report
I asked a librarian if they had any books on 'Different noise levels'.

The librarian said "Sure!! What volume would you like?"

πŸ‘︎ 681
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

πŸ‘︎ 29k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/megad1rt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m reading a book on the history of glue....

I can’t seem to put it down.

πŸ‘︎ 202
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did read the book about the elevator?

It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theclashwasright
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epona14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?

It caused a title wave!

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a book at the spice store today.

It’s about thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/csteinbergrules
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."

"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Got this new book about zero gravity

I just can’t put it down

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A book just fell on my head

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

(credit: Groucho Marx)

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4-8Newday
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a book called "How to walk up stairs."

Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 ....

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Last month I launched a book aimed at children.

I’m pleased to say I hit one of them

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Just finished reading a book on Channel swimming.

It was written by Francis Near.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You do realize that it's biblically correct for a man to make the coffee. Haven't you ever read the book,

Hebrews

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastiff_Speed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
At my book club, I wondered why they were throwing Stephen King novels around.

Then IT hit me!

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome.

It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the math book so sad?

It had a lot of problems

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuckleberry__Finn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a book about premature ejaculation

It came early

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Onebladeprop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.

He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I think whoever made this book is a total quack
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSonsofAtreus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Yeah i like this book
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flipcoyote14774
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that writes books?

A thesaurus

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I wonder if they'll write a book about Ellen Page's transformation into Elliot

They should.

It'll be a real Page-turner!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abhishekms89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read the absoute best book about Pearl Jam.

Seriously, I don't know they could have made it Eddie Vedder.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard somebody died after reading a book

They were sentenced to death

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afc1224
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?

Because the prose outweigh the cons.

πŸ‘︎ 206
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Book review: 1 star

I've just finished reading Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/viWily
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought this book but had to return it for all the fowl language
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSonsofAtreus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œWhy don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?”

I said, β€œThat’s.....a novel idea.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The author of Webster's dictionary committed suicide with the book he wrote.

At least he died on his own terms.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity

I can't put it down

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatem96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Judge threw the book at her
πŸ‘︎ 256
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain

Someone had already ripped the appendix out.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naj_md
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to build a house made out of books...

But it was too novel a concept

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called '1001 cures for itches."

I guess, I've got to start again from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the library women of there are any books on the Titanic

She said they might have been damaged, wet and moldy.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If I only learned one thing from my book of cliche’s it was

I (read) I

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm reading a book about anti gravity

It's impossible to put down

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DELTA213203
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I just booked my dental appointment.

I’m scheduled to come in for tooth hurty.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tonesemi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and SchrΓΆdinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…

…IT hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
At my book club, I wondered why they were throwing Stephen King novels around...

Then IT hit me!

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if they had any books on Noise Reduction Levels

She said "Sure, what volume ?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked the librarian if there were any books about paranoia in the library

She whispered , "They're right behind you..."

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.