My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night

But I will recover.

πŸ‘︎ 313
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a blanket detective do?

Go undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillCosbySexSlave
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I've started a new band called "Blanket'

We're a cover band

πŸ‘︎ 996
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do weighted blankets calm you down?

Because compression is the opposite of tension!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andnat12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw an Elsa blanket

I didn’t get it though, the cold never really bothered me anyways.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brukfalcon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Small Pepper needs a blanket

Dad: Can you please put a little blanket or a tiny sweater on him?
He's a little chilli!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/just_in_who_ung
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
You are in a cold room without any blanket and Sweater what will you do?

Go to the corners because it's 90Β° there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harshgamer3113
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?

I did because I put it on sleep mode.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid wrap all his books in a blanket?

So that he could cover the entire syllabus.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anay28
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a blessed blanket?

Holy sheet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

β€œOh sheet.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fujfuj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.

This is a most heavy decision.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, do you have another blanket by you? I’m cold

Dad: Go stand in the corner son, it’s 90Β° over there

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedhubbert88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I get a little shady when I'm in blankets.

Shhh. I'm undercover

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HistorysWitness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon but delivery took forever...

She says it was worth the weight.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creativedamages
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to hate the electric blanket

But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graceful_ox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of blanket has the most patience?

A weighted blanket.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Novainferno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A man started wearing a blanket to the office

His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lokimonoxide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me

Don’t worry i’ll recover

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoldMeDownSanta
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
It was fun being a spy til they put me in a windy city with only a blanket for camouflage

My cover was blown constantly

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...

It was a bum wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?

He never recovered

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealismBigBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Prosecutor: "In the case of who illegally made a blanket out of patches,

we call the defendant quilty"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterRoar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out

I'm down

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torgor_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.

I was scared sheetless.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
"I'm going undercover" is such a blanket statement.

Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just handed me a pig in a blanket Dad: Would you care for one of these

Me: Only if it needed me..

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevilDobby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s a security blanket.
πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If you say something in bed, is it a blanket statement
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night my bf asked me to hand him the blankets...

As I pulled the comforter over him I said, "I got you covered."

I proceeded to laugh for 1 solid minute, he did NOT think it was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
🚨︎ report
I only have a few hours to finish weaving this blanket.

It's a looming deadline.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a band called "Blanket"

It's a cover band

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm starting a band called Blanket.

It's a cover band.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket said when it fell of the bed?

"Oh sheet"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benzi13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.

But I will recover.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

OH SHEET

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ardior
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I put a blanket on a small pepper

He said he felt a little chili

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatMarx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...

Don’t worry I’ll recover.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered all my blankets were missing.

I was scared sheetless.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brokenjuicebox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertHamburgers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed ?

Oh sheet

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Btgood52
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh Sheet

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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