Oof
To celebrate, we invited all the family and friends we could to my parents' house and then made the big announcement. Everyone was ecstatic and my father in particular was driven to tears. At a certain point during the night he pulled me aside and led me into his study, which I had never really been inside until this point. He opened a safe and produced cigars a bottle of whiskey and a large, beautifully bound book.
"I could never have asked for a better son," my father said, lighting the cigars and pouring the whiskey. "I hope you think I was a good enough father to deserve you."
“Of course, Dad," I said, "You were all I could've asked for and I wish my son admires me even half as much as I admire you."
“Now I've shared with you nearly everything I know," he said, "But not this one thing. This is the Big Book of Dad Jokes. There are many like it but this one is special. My father gave it to me when your mother and I first found out she was pregnant with you, and I studied it and studied it, learning all the dad jokes I could and mastering book's secrets. I hope it serves you as well as it served me in being a father... No... I know it will serve you well. I love you, my son."
“Dad... I don't know what to say... I'm honoured..."
“Hi Honoured, I'm Dad."
..and as big as the last two put together.
When she demanded I give her my reasons, I said, "Well first off, the flag's a big plus..."
He’s basically one big banner
Really big hands
She excitedly says yes, and the boy spends the entirety of the next day preparing for the big day.
The first thing he does to make it extra fancy is to rent a limousine for a day (yes, he is rich), but when he arrives at the rental center, he notices that many other people had the same idea. There was an enormous line that stretched out the building. Nevertheless, this boy was determined to make this night a special night, and waited for hours. Luckily, he succeeded in the end, and rented a shiny black limo. He was starting to get really excited.
After that, he goes to the tailor to pick up a brand new suit and tie to look as sharp as possible. But once again, the line for that wrapped around the block and forced the boy to wait another long hour. He sighed, but still waited in line, as he was quite persistent and knew it would be well worth it in the end. In the end, though, he got a perfect suit that fit him well. No wrinkles, no nothing; it was just pure handsomeness.
Then, the moment came. In his limousine, he once again drove up to his crush's house, well-dressed in the brand new suit he just bought. She came out looking stunning as well in an aqua dress that sparkled in the evening sunlight. Excited as ever, she leaped into the fancy limo and rode to prom with him, ready for the big night.
When they arrived, however, there was yet another long line into the ballroom, as many people needed to be accepted. It was quite a busy night. After half an hour of waiting, the couple finally made it through and began dancing. It was all going really well, and everyone was having quite a grand time.
A few hours later, they became thirsty and went to get a drink. Both him and his girlfriend were in the mood for fruit punch, but nobody else seemed to want it. When they entered the snack bar, they noticed more long lines of people wanting to get other snacks and drinks, but surprisingly... there was no punchline.
Father said her dress made her look like a planet. Mother, angry, asked if it made her look big? Father, quick on his feet, replied it's because it made her look out of this world.
A young man decides he wants to take his girlfriend to prom.
Now, prom is a BIG DEAL in this little town. Think the end of Footloose. That big.
First off, he has to buy the tickets. After class gets out for the day, he heads down to the quad and gets in line to buy tickets with legitimately about half of the school.
So he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And eventually he gets to the front of the line. He asks politely for two tickets to prom, buys them, and heads off.
Now, this young man decides that if he's going to do this, he wants to do it right and lull out all the stops. So he heads to the local florist to buy a corsage.
Again, it's a small town, and wouldn't you know it but the only florist is swamped with a line out the door.
So he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And eventually makes it up to the counter. He orders a corsage, tiger lilies, her favorite, and ensures it will be available the day of prom. Headed out the door with his receipt, he walks down the block to the only tailor/tux rental shop in two counties.
And wouldn't you know it but a big group if his fellow romantic young bucks decided to get dressed to the nines as well, and a line has formed wrapping around the building.
So he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
Until eventually he gets in, takes his place on the podium, and gets measured up. He takes his receipt to the counter, confirms there will be a tuxedo in his size available the morning of prom, and there will also be staff on hand to assist him with the proper wear and how to move in the suit.
Last but not least, he heads to the local car and limo rental, hoping to put that final flourish on the evening and ride up to the big night in style.
And wouldn't it just figure that the rental shop would be just as busy and twice as slow, with a line of increasingly ticked off customers waiting down the block. Not to be deterred, our intrepid young beau takes his place at the back of the line.
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits some more...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And he waits...
And just as the shop is about to close he make sit to the desk, managing to snag the last limo available for the night.
Everything in place, he heads home to wait for the big day.
Before you know it, it's prom night. He picks up his tux, and it fits perfectly
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because they have big fingers.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
It's a big step forward for her
And he was a very talented guitarist, so good in fact that one day his friend the chicken turned to him and asked would he like to be in a band with him. The horse of course agreed he and the chicken who played the drums went looking for a singer and a bassist. They decided to approach the Sheep who was the best singer on the farm, the Sheep agreed and told them about how the Pig was a pretty good bass player so they all asked him to join the band and he agreed.
So The Barnyard Animals got to work practicing and rehearsing their little hearts out. They started playing open mic nights and gained some traction. After a few years they managed to get signed by a major record label and The Barnyard Animals became an international phenomenon. They toured in every country for the better part of a decade until they finally decided retire. The Horse decided to settle down in English countryside, the Chicken went to Australia, the Pig went to Japan and the Sheep went to New Zealand.
A few years later Gary Barlow contacts the Horse about getting The Barnyard Animals back together for a big charity Live Aid type concert in Wembley. The Horse contacts his band mates and they all agree. So the Pig, the Sheep and the Chicken all fly out to Singapore and get the same connection to London. But in a terrible turn of events the plane crashes and all The Barnyard Animals apart from the horse die in a fiery inferno.
The horse upon finding out that his oldest friends have all died goes into a deep depression. He locks himself in his house and tries to drink his pain away. A few weeks later when every bottle of anything that could be drank had been drunk. He puts on his hat and sunglasses so no one would be able to recognise him and heads to the closest pub. So the Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Hey, why the long face?"
That's a big step forward.
But the flag is a big plus.
His performance was a big flop.
Well, the flag is a big plus.
That's why I get the big bucks.
“Hey Freddie,” he asked; “I know the recording budget’s pretty tight, but do you want me to hire someone to play those… Ah, I forgot the word… Those big tuned drums?”
Freddie shook his head and answered: “I’m just a poor boy; I need no timpani.”
Well, the logo is a big plus.
you have big shoes to fill.
Because B shells are too small, and D shells are too big.
My son and his friend, musing about creating new Pokemon: "... and, it'll be big, with horns, and bad, sort of like an evil cow..."
Me, passing by at just the right time: "... gee, that sounds... Terri-bull"
My brother is coming home for a family gathering, and we have a big family gathering with young cousins. Any PG jokes available would be amazing.
Oh, windmills, son? Big fan.
Big Mac and fries. It's fast food.
An astronomer walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Just came from a star watching party at the observatory. They had a big door prize drawing to win a really nice telescope. I didn't win. But I did get this neat star map of the night sky," he says as he shows it to the bartender. "I guess it was a constellation prize."
A bear walks into a bar and says:
Can I have a pint of....................... Guinness.
The barman says:
Why the big paws?
🐻
Their butts are too big for the ashtray.
Because he was facing a big bill
One is big bucks, but the other is serious doe.
Does my bomb look big in this.
Idk but the flag is a big plus.
He's kind of a big dill.
I said “ That’s a pretty big step forward. “
Lunges. My iPhone likes to auto correct my spelling
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus
That’s why the Bible starts with “In the big inning....”
Driving through the country side we saw a bunch of cows walking up a big hill on a farm.
I said “they hate walking up those hills… but they’ll have strong calves!”
<bows>
and says, "I'd like a diet......... Pepsi"
The waiter responds: "what's with the big pause? "
“One beer please,” says the crab. “But if I am not satisfied I will require a full refund. You may dispute my claim that the beer wasn’t satisfactory at which point we can move to an arbitration process. This agreement is also only between us and I expect full confidentiality.”
“Sure,” says the bartender. “But why the big clause?”
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
The bow is pretty cool, but it has one big drawback...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
That will be a big step forward.
That would be a big step forward."
That would be a big step forward.
“Hey Freddie,” he asked; “I know the recording budget’s pretty tight, but do you want me to hire someone to play those… Ah, I forgot the word… Those big tuned drums?”
Freddie shook his head and answered: “I’m just a poor boy; I need no timpani.”
