Bettering Puns

I come to this subreddit everyday to get my fill of home baked dad jokes and some of these jokes are slackin. Let alone that most of them are puns!

I’ve already read ten puns today hoping that at least one of them would make me laugh but no pun in ten did!

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

Because, dogs can Bach

But you can't really compare apples to oranges.

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

Despite all my effort, I can't produce more than a poormansteau at best

They're a little meteor.

So I’ve decided to wait until next summer to cook it again.

A man's farts once began sounding like the word "honda."

US Doctors were no help for the man.

Finally a Japanese Doctor took his case & sent for the man to come to Japan.

The man flew to Japan and after a short examination the Doctor said to him, "you have abscess tooth."

"An abscess tooth?" the man asked.

"Yes," replied the doctor "abscess make the fart go Honda."

I have one without a filter and one with a filter https://imgur.com/BCc6kx4.jpg

She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."

"I artichoke you for that"

Because tapes strong together.

Because they have con etiquette.

He said "That's a bald claim"

How can you tell a blonde has been blowing the car horn?

All the lipstick on the steering wheel.

They absolutely killed it.

Because it's your own asphalt.

A father figure.

He can be very egotesticle.

I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.

Pain au chocolat

.....get it no bell 🤣

Cause he was a sub woofer!

It was a joint effort.

because after that is 2020 too.

I call it a Dad-a-Base

I responded, "Who the hell is Oliver B.??"

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

I replied, no, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine.