He didn't want to lose his booty
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Kenan and Kale
Me: "but in N out has vegetables!"
Dad who dislikes in n out: "it's wrong to eat the employees, they're still people."
Mom: "that's disgusting, go away."
But every time he is eating something bad for him he says.
"It's not bad, it's delicious"
Every time
PS his favorite snack is mayonnaise in a tortilla..
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
Me: "Lol, in University I make a ham and cheese sandwich for like every meal"
Mom: "Don't you wanna eat something more healthy?"
Me: "No mom, it's so good and so easy to make"
Mom: "But also so unhealthy to eat it all the time"
Dad: "Hah, so why don't you just make a cheese and ham sandwich instead of a ham and cheese sandwich? Must be way healthier! HAHAHAHA lmfao...."
-silence-
Brother: "Is margarine healthier than butter?"
Nephew: "Margarinally healthier"
My wife is on a "no dye in our food" kick.
This morning she said: "We need to go dye free to be healthier."
Me: "But dye IS healthy!"
Her: "What the hell are you talking about?! How is it healthy?"
Me: "Everyone knows when you Dye-it, you lose weight."
The eye-roll I got from her was priceless.
So my sister does this thing called NoPoo so she doesn't wash her hair when she showers and does some weird thing to make it healthier than when you would use shampoo.
Anyway, the joke revolves around the remedy name, NoPoo.
Dad: So how does this work
Sister: Well it makes it so I don't have to wash my hair and makes my hair healthier
Me: So you're Shampoostipated
My dad laughed out loud and my sisters groaned.
We've been trying to eat healthier so we got a bunch of fresh produce at the store. I put some squash in the front of the basket where the coupons were and my wife said, "Oh man, you squashed my coupons."
