Do they allow loud, big, hearty laughs in Hawaii?

Or does it have to be aloha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifelink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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A hearty lunchtime snack
πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ‘€︎ u/DinosaurHam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Drew a hearty vampire :)
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/CluKInCok
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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This is a hearty salad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoshabooboo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2017
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"This and That" otherwise known as my Dads favorite joke. Told at any occasion to family members, friends or complete strangers in the street always followed by a hearty dad laugh.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordsmish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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I just quit my job at the helium factory.

I won’t be spoken to in that tone.

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandyatk445
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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As a reward for preventing the ship from running aground

they gave him a hearty "Atta buoy!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Bread is a lot like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThineGreatPotato
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Joke by my wife

There we were, sitting by the hearth last night.

Man on the television set: "Vote blue, no matter who."

Mother: "Father, do you think he means our darling pooch"?

Blue: Snoring on the rug, fat and lavish

Me: "Mother, you are a sensational one. Outrageous!"

Mother: With her head tilted back, unleashes a hearty guffaw

I thought you might enjoy this roguish exchange as much as mother and I did πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trenlow12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hot dog. She walks to the nearest hot dog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst...

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

β€œExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

β€œIt’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. β€œI’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

β€œYa see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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What does a pirate say when he has a heart attack?

Arr me hearty!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sky5598
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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What do you call a preliminary race for bears?

A Koalafier

sorry if this one has been used a lot, it got a hearty groan from my brother so I figured I'd share.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/col32190
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Whenever I go to the supermarket with my dad...

He will do three things. Guaranteed.

  1. Pick up a bottle of milk and shake it, asking if we want milkshake.

  2. Go up to a young teenager stacking shelves and ask for whatever they're currently restocking on the shelves and watch as they scratch their heads and look around only to hold out the item with a dumb look on their face (which surprisingly happens almost every time)

  3. Will get a bottle of water from the shelf and hold it high with one hand and drop it, catch it with his other hand then say "did you see that?! It was a beautiful waterfall!!!"

Obviously a hearty dad-chuckle follows each of these actions.

πŸ‘︎ 887
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaureoTheOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
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Got my wife during shark week

Wife: "I feel funny"

Me: "Then tell me a joke"

Wife: As she rolls her eyes " I mean my insides feel funny "

Me: "Then tell me an inside joke"

She just sighed and went to bed while I chuckled heartily.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtygreen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
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Man, I haven't (insert common thing) all year.

hearty laugh

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/hwf0712
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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Every time I wanted to talk to my dad as a kid...

Me: Daddy, I have a question.

Dad: Is it in Portuguese? (We are one-language Americans)

Me: Well, no.

Dad: Then I don't want to hear it! (Hearty laughter as he walks away.)

So many unanswered questions. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/canhazhotness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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Proud dad

Driving my daughter to school this morning, we passed a company with a big sign that said Plus Consulting. I said, "I wonder why they don't consult on minuses." My daughter said, "because they're too negative." Hearty dad laughing commenced and she beamed with pride.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/Davy_Dee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2015
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Got dad-joked by my boss yesterday.

I was slicing some Genoa salami at work and I asked my boss if genoa was pork-based. Without skipping a beat he replied, "Yes it is, didn't genoa that?" We both had a hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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A dad joke, taken too far.

Back in the late 80's, my dad had a joke he loved to tell everyone he met. It went something like this:

I was driving down the road and ended up behind this ambulance with its rear door open. I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention about it, but they didn't seem to notice. As they turned the corner away from us, a small cooler fell out. I pulled over to rescue the cooler, and when I opened it, I found a human toe, on ice.

At this point, the victim of the joke is supposed to ask what he did with the toe. He responds with "I called the Tow Truck!" and hearty laughter.

Being the 1980's, e-mail wasn't prevalent, and calling long distance could get expensive, so he communicated with his out of state family primarily through mailed letters. He wrote this joke (sans punchline) in a letter to his mom. Not knowing it was a joke, she told the story to her friends and family. My aunt heard this story, and told it to her classes (she's a teacher) and one of her students actually got in a fight with his mom who said that could never happen.

A month or two later, we were getting together for a holiday and the toe story came up in conversation. My dad replied that he called the tow truck, and his laughter was met with horrified stares. By this time, nearly everyone in the small town was enthralled with this amazing story that my grandma had told about her son who lived in the city. She was imagining all of the people she had to contact to tell the real story to. Many took it in stride, but others were quite annoyed. Especially my aunt, who had to apologize to every one of her classes at school.

TLDR: A dad joke with no punch line doesn't belong in a letter.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/freakmn
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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My dad got dadjoked

We were discussing track at dinner when this happened: Dad: So, you're having your meet tomorrow, right?
Me: What? We're having steak?
[hearty laughter]
Dad: So, you're having your running meet tomorrow?
Sister: It's still alive?!

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeping_pegasus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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I made an accidental dad joke.

I'm a second year university student. I was walking back to my room and walked into an acquaintance. We're both computer geeks more or less, and I was carrying my laptop with me. I started making some simple smalltalk when he noticed my laptop.

"Oh! Is that a Dell?"

Me: "oh!...Yeah! It's a Dell, but not the singer."

Continued to walk past, as this encounter took an entire 10 seconds at most

Random passerby that overheard in a hearty tone: "Hey! That was funny!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arretezz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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Couldn't pass up a dadjoke opportunity at my own birthday dinner

Out for dinner at a nice restaurant with wife and two teenage kids, we all order dessert, wife got blueberry creme brulee, I got baked alaska with rum flambe. Waitstaff knew it was my birthday so they put a candle on my baked alaska. Problem was, the rum flambe melted the candle. It was pretty funny, so wife took pics with her iPhone. As she was reviewing her pics, she dropped her phone in her creme brulee. I said, "I thought you ordered blueberry creme brulee, not Apple creme brulee..."

That was when I got the best birthday present: three hearty groans from the whole family.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
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Roadside dadjoke

A while ago I was in the car with my family and we were stopped at a red light. On the corner was a person in a big crow mascot suit and he was waving a sign for the payday loan place behind him. Just as we look over at the crow again, a cop car pulls into the parking lot and two cops get out and walk over to him.

Dad: "Huh, I wonder what that's about." Me: "I heard it was an attempted murder."

Everyone else in the car groaned but my dad and I had a hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iaminfactafemale
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2014
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Heard this one while waiting at the DMV...

Customer: "Hey I have to pay my property taxes, but I heard they were on the house"

The lady at the window didn't get it but I let out a hearty chuckle for the dad paying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurplePupilEater
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
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Dadjoked my dad on his birthday

*Last night, my brother was cutting up the cake said that "Happy Birthday Chris" across it. He cuts between the C & H in Chris and takes the C piece..."

Dad: "Hey! I was going to eat my name piece!"

Me: "Well... I guess its hris now!"

...No one laughed but my dad, but his hearty guffaw made up for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthjuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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My father is a goldmine of 'dad-jokes' here's a taster.

My mum and dad had separated by this point and he was picking me up from the town centre where I was with a girl I was seeing, named Jenni. After introducing herself my father paused for a second, let out a slight smirk and replied "What, from the block?" slapped his thigh and let out a hearty dad-chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfernusConsurget
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Any League of Legends players out there?

I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.

So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:

Me: Oh shoot.

Me: Can anyone trade me?

--Someone trades me their champion--

Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.

From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BearZeBubus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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Told my dad i'd like to be knighted...

He said he'd rather be dated, then gave himself a hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jofuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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I got my dad with a joke, it was a piece of cake.

We were in the kitchen after dinner and my dad was messing around with a store-bought pineapple upside-down cake for dessert.

Dad (Trying to read the label): I can't read this thing it's like Chinese arithmetic.

Me: That's because you're reading it upside-down.

A hearty laugh was had.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboidmoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Got a genuine laugh from this one...

Driving out of the parking lot:

Me: Oh look, it's Left Turn only. All-right.

This one got a hearty, genuine laugh. Does it still count as a 'dad joke'?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/socalitguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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Dad joke in the wild...

Out for a hike in an urban provincial park in Calgary with my wife, my cousin, and my cousin's husband. We slow down to look at a deer about 5m off the trail. A middle age couple is walking towards us, when:

Woman: Look honey, a deer!
Her husband: Oh dear!

His wife, my wife, and my cousin all groan/eye roll... and me and my cousin's husband have a hearty chuckle, while the man sports a wide grin.

Based on his immediate delivery, and his wife's reaction, I just know this joke's been repeated often, to everyone's delight, as any good dad joke should be.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/blindsight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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Discussing the fallic household with my mother and father.

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotYourLocalCop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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work at a hardware/home improvement store and overheard this

two customers who know each other begin with the usual greeting (hi, how are you?)

Man1: So what are you here for?

Man2: Coming to get some blinds (similar to window curtains)

Man1: Blinds? Why don't you just cover you eyes?

Man1 then proceeds to cover his eyes whilst having a very hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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Dad's Easter dadjoke

Today while waiting for guests to arrive, I told my dad he wasn't dressed very Easter-y today. He replied with "no, you're right. More western." Followed by a hearty chuckle and 'you see what I did there,' and of course, a groan from me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Two eskimos are in a kayak...

My uncle told us this one today...

Two eskimos are in a kayak, paddling along a river. Freezing cold, one eskimo says to the other, "hey, why don't we start a fire here in the middle of the kayak?" so they manage to get a small fire going and start to finally warm up, when the fire creates a hole in the middle of the kayak. The kayak fills with water and they sink to the bottom of the river. Moral of the story? You can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

My dad had a hearty laugh at this one.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/skwedgie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
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Cracked a dad joke on the most appropriate day: my dad's birthday

Preface: My dad, mom, and I went out to eat mexican food. Like we usually do, we order a huge platter of nachos and demolish the whole thing. Surely we are full even before our main course arrives. We all ordered combination platters that consisted of, burritos, enchiladas, and tacos which were overflowing with lettuce that no one except for my mom wanted to eat. My mom kept on nagging my dad and I to eat the lettuce so that it would lighten us up and make us feel less full:

Mom (for the 10th time): You boys should eat your lettuce. Come on now.

Me: Mom lettuce be!

Immediately my mom cringed and groaned, while my dad, after repeating the joke, gave a hearty chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadsspaghetti
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
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Grocery shopping

We're at the grocery store in the produce aisle. My dad turns to me and goes, "Where do they keep the criminal apples?"


"In the CONduce aisle."

Queue hearty laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForcedReception
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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About 10 years ago, my dog had puppies

Her breed was only supposed to have 2-3 per little, yet Pumpkin ended up squeezing out 7 of the little nuggets. So of course she had a lot of extra skin hanging from her belly. For the next 6 months, my dad took it upon himself to comment, "Oh Pumpkin, you look udderly ridiculous!" Followed by a hearty chuckle. Every. Time.

He would always look around to make sure at least one family member was there to appreciate this comedy gold. It got so bad that even the employees at his office begged him to stop.

But of course he did not, and will still bring it up every once in a while to this day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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Me: Hey dad did you get a haircut?

Dad: I didn't just get one hair cut. I got them all cut.

I didn't really know how to respond to it. When he tells it to other people he either gets a hearty guffaw from whoever he tells it to or an akward hehe

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/sgtpepper95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Why did the blind man fall into the well?

Because he couldn't see that well

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ‘€︎ u/Its_Kid_CoDi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2017
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