He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Studies can be pun as well
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︎ Mar 22 2019
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︎ Nov 28 2018
Do dad jokes have to be puns? This is what I made for mother's day. One for my wife and one for my mom
https://imgur.com/a/kFtji
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︎ May 15 2017
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
From r/askreddit's thread "If your sex life was a country, what country would it be and why?"
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︎ Dec 30 2020
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iβm glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Smaller babies may be delivered by storks.....
... but the heavier ones need a crane .
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I used to be scared of speed bumps.
Iβm slowly getting over it
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I dream to be this commenter one day.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I'll be Bach.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
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︎ Dec 29 2020
How can there be a national coin shortage?
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︎ Dec 07 2020
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.
No need to remind her every half hour.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
My vet picked up my dog, looked at him and confirmed that he was cross-eyed and that he had to be put down.
Confused and upset, I asked why.
The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
My wife said "I'm leaving you because you're always pretending to be a transformer"
I said "no wait, I can change."
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︎ Jan 07 2021
0mg?! You gotta be sheeting me Doc!
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Poor dude must be spaced out.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What are your resolution going to be for the new year?
Still on 1080p? or upgraded to 4k already?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
We shouldnβt be making jokes about COVID 19
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
A friend of mine just said to me βIβm training to be garbage manβ
I said βYou donβt need training for that! You just pick it up as you go alongβ
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...
I just don't see the point.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Itβd be a shame
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
Those parents must be nuts
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︎ Nov 25 2020
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
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︎ Nov 10 2020
What would Gordon Ramsayβs stage name be if he was a wrestler?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I don't like to be told that I have a dad bod
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︎ Jan 11 2021
If a friend left you 12 bottles of wine on your doorstep, would you be extremely....
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Must be an aqueous humor
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︎ Dec 29 2020
My wife was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"
I said "Because you're Russian me."
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I asked my dad if I can be a history major,
He said, βDonβt. Thereβs no future in it.β
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︎ Jan 09 2021
My wife said "will you stop pretending to be a flamingo"
Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Biden will NEVER, EVER be my president
because I live in Canada.
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Be an agent of change
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Son: βWhat crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?β
Dad: βWell Iβm no legal expert, but I suspect thereβd be some trees in there.β
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︎ Jan 09 2021
As a child, my mum told me I could be whoever I wanted when I grew up...
...turns out thatβs called identity theft and is illegal.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Heβll be cutting your grass
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I wonder, will glass coffins be popular someday?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...
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︎ Dec 24 2020
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