He knew he'd be pun-ished for his choice. http://explosm.net/comics/3853/
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π
︎ Aug 25 2019
Studies can be pun as well
π︎ 57
π
︎ Mar 22 2019
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 28 2018
Do dad jokes have to be puns? This is what I made for mother's day. One for my wife and one for my mom
https://imgur.com/a/kFtji
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π
︎ May 15 2017
She seems to be having a field day out there.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 17 2021
If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldnβt have a son anymore
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 07 2021
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ May 01 2021
It takes guts to be an organ donor
For real tho. Donate your organs. It saved my dads life π
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 15 2021
Too dangerous to be left alive
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
Iβm on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
It can also be called mobile crisis units
π︎ 245
π
︎ May 20 2021
What would be bananas without 'b'?
π︎ 51
π
︎ May 26 2021
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Gotta be safe!
π︎ 160
π
︎ May 18 2021
Hades decided if he was going bald, there would be hell toupee.
π︎ 50
π
︎ May 21 2021
Your nose will never be 12 inches long
Because then it would be a foot.
π︎ 653
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
Iβd be lying if I said I got a hair cut
π︎ 103
π
︎ May 26 2021
saw a girl with a tattoo of a tree on her breast, seems like it would be painful...
π︎ 189
π
︎ May 08 2021
May the 5th be with you...wait, Uhm.
π︎ 32
π
︎ May 05 2021
My girlfriend thought I'd be lonely after she broke up with me,
Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.
π︎ 119
π
︎ May 20 2021
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
That would be a shame
π︎ 148
π
︎ Apr 28 2021
I want you to be "Br" but without the bro.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 21 2021
Eye drops should be called blinker fluid
π︎ 38
π
︎ May 25 2021
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
π︎ 335
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad βI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would beβ as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said βWhorelocks.β
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 20 2021
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
My dad always told me that I could be any person I want. But the FBI disagreed with this.
Apparently identity theft is a crime.
π︎ 269
π
︎ May 07 2021
Iβll be honest, I donβt trust the stairs in my house.
Theyβre up to something...
π︎ 38
π
︎ May 19 2021
Tesla just announced theyβll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
Itβs called Elonβs Musk
π︎ 225
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
How can a room full of married people be empty?
Because there's not a single person there
Ps. I wasn't invited either
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 26 2021
Why can't some Christians be vegan?
They can't seem to stomach seitan.
Might be an old one that someone else's said but it made me chuckle.
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 24 2021
Be careful what you ask for
π︎ 142
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
Would a movie about the invention of the Tampon be a... period piece?
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 22 2021
A genie appeared and granted me one wish: I said I wanted to be happy.
Now I live in a cottage with 6 other dwarfs and I work in a mine.
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 14 2021
Sure elevators can be uplifting
But sometimes they just get me down π
π︎ 48
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
What do you call a pancake that just canβt be beat?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 25 2021
I used to be addicted to soap.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 26 2021
I did not expect this to be the replacement IronMan
π︎ 44
π
︎ May 10 2021
Had a yen to be creative this weekend...
so I crafted a large numeral in the back garden. I chopped, sawed, planed, sanded, and painted that number till it looked amazing.
My neighbour looked over the fence and enviously stated βNice one!β
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 22 2021
50 cent is boutta be a dollar
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 03 2021
If FedEx and UPS merged, the employees would be
π︎ 102
π
︎ Apr 22 2021
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up.
The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 18 2021
Will you βcheeseβ be mine? β€οΈ
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
Why canβt a nose be 12 inches?
Cuz then it would be a foot
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
I used to be addicted to soap...
π︎ 35
π
︎ May 04 2021
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