What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmnisVirLupis23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What you call a boat in your belly button?

A Naval Ship

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtOfPuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a battleship control room that covers a belly button?

Naval Bridge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emailthezac
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..

Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanehussain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?

An Audi

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I learned a lot about belly buttons in college...

I went to the Navel Academy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stone_meister
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Who was the fattest knight with roundest belly in King Arthur's Round Table?

Sir Cumference

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?

Outlaws are wanted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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My wife was commenting on one of our cats and its big belly. I said, "I don't get it. She eats protein all day...

...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iresenteverything
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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What do you call a hog who eats all of your weed?

A pot bellied pig

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Turntable
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You are underAvest!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacemanwho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested

Police say he was charged with counter fitting

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epelep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?

The Naval Corps.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's got three legs...

...a yellow belly, a red back, lives underground, and eats rocks?

A Three Legged Yellow Bellied Red Back Rock Eater!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
My cat likes to squish his feet on my belly.

Sometimes it's just nice to be kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gimme_them_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?

Because she hated waisting time

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADTO97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?

Navel academies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lg_3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Me to my daughter in regards to the gyms closing: "Guess I won't be flattening this curve." (As I pat my belly)

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batchet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Beer Bellies for sale
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.

My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.

My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.

4yo: "I like your shirt mama!

Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?

4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"

πŸ‘︎ 899
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shade0217
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If my car had a belly button

do you think it would have an innie or an Audi?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/measurebeyondwit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I have intestinal worms.

I don’t know why though, it’s just a gut feeling.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.

Ab originals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...

Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...

That's the paunch-line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My pork belly on the stove caught on fire and my wife put it out.

She really saved my bacon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burninator1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I think this year, I’m going to give my belly button up for lint.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yags2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s it called when a red belly bird goes to a cemetery?

Grave robin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mscoobs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor and says: β€œDoctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”

The doctor asks: β€œWhen did you swallow it?”

β€œAbout 3 years ago.”

β€œReally? Why are you coming this late?!”

β€œWell… I lost my spare key.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0untdown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of ships made of belly button lint? [x-post /r/jokes]

A naval naval fleet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteCows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. β€œQuit hurting your mother.” I said β€œ You’re grounded!”

β€œGo to your womb!”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thor_loop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fight where you're only allowed to belly bump?

A naval battle

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
What would you call a race of seafaring belly buttons

A naval fleet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrTryhardington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m not Catholic...

...but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.

(emo philips)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjg580
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Looks like someone's working his ass off
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/applicantx
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think I’m starting to get a pot-belly.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basketofgravy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of belly button does a car have?

an Audi

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer tell his belly button?

YOU'RE UNDER A VEST!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UhHowAboutN0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police man say to this belly button?

"You're under a vest!"

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NedDeadStark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cop say to his belly?

You're under a vest

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What'd the cop say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisIsAron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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