What did the police officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Jun 02 2021
What you call a boat in your belly button?
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︎ Apr 27 2021
What do you call a battleship control room that covers a belly button?
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︎ May 22 2021
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..
Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I learned a lot about belly buttons in college...
I went to the Navel Academy
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Who was the fattest knight with roundest belly in King Arthur's Round Table?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Whatβs the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
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︎ Apr 28 2021
My wife was commenting on one of our cats and its big belly. I said, "I don't get it. She eats protein all day...
...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)
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︎ Jan 28 2021
What do you call a hog who eats all of your weed?
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︎ Mar 17 2021
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
A fraudster who installs kitchen worktops for a living got arrested
Police say he was charged with counter fitting
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︎ Apr 21 2021
What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What's got three legs...
...a yellow belly, a red back, lives underground, and eats rocks?
A Three Legged Yellow Bellied Red Back Rock Eater!
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︎ Mar 08 2021
My cat likes to squish his feet on my belly.
Sometimes it's just nice to be kneaded.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?
Because she hated waisting time
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︎ Apr 23 2020
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small
Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.
P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.
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︎ May 26 2020
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?
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︎ Oct 11 2019
Me to my daughter in regards to the gyms closing: "Guess I won't be flattening this curve." (As I pat my belly)
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Beer Bellies for sale
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︎ Jan 10 2020
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
If my car had a belly button
do you think it would have an innie or an Audi?
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︎ Mar 11 2020
I think I have intestinal worms.
I donβt know why though, itβs just a gut feeling.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.
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︎ Dec 30 2018
I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...
Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
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︎ Oct 24 2019
My pork belly on the stove caught on fire and my wife put it out.
She really saved my bacon.
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︎ Sep 05 2019
I think this year, Iβm going to give my belly button up for lint.
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︎ Mar 06 2019
Whatβs it called when a red belly bird goes to a cemetery?
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︎ Aug 05 2019
The man and the silver screw.
There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.
The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."
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︎ Jan 21 2021
A man goes to the doctor and says: βDoctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?β
The doctor asks: βWhen did you swallow it?β
βAbout 3 years ago.β
βReally? Why are you coming this late?!β
βWellβ¦ I lost my spare key.β
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︎ Jun 24 2019
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.
I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.
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︎ Jun 21 2018
What do you call a bunch of ships made of belly button lint? [x-post /r/jokes]
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︎ Nov 17 2017
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. βQuit hurting your mother.β I said β Youβre grounded!β
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︎ Dec 15 2018
What do you call a fight where you're only allowed to belly bump?
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︎ Nov 08 2017
What would you call a race of seafaring belly buttons
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︎ Jul 14 2018
Iβm not Catholic...
...but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
(emo philips)
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Looks like someone's working his ass off
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︎ May 17 2019
I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think Iβm starting to get a pot-belly.
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︎ Dec 02 2018
What kind of belly button does a car have?
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︎ Oct 02 2020
What did the police officer tell his belly button?
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What did the officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Jan 12 2020
What did the police man say to this belly button?
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︎ Mar 18 2020
What did the cop say to his belly?
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︎ Apr 18 2020
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Apr 28 2020
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Feb 09 2020
What'd the cop say to his belly button?
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︎ Nov 20 2019
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
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︎ May 08 2019
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