A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I really love watching The Bachelor.

I’m just worried he’s gonna call the cops.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedandsue
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I told my friend that I just got my Bachelor of Science.

My friend said, β€œThat’s BS!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/csteinbergrules
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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She walks into the bachelor party. β€œWho are you and where did you come from?” I ask.

β€œIdaho”, she answers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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11 years ago my mother decided to go back and finish school. She earned her bachelors, masters, and just got her PhD. She asked if I was proud of her

"What's with the third degree?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pzl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
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I read a Shower Thought today that said that if I get a Bachelor's Degree in Science, then I'm techinally science guy like Bill Nye

But I call B.S. on that

*a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/giraffe_kick
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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One mother showed up to my bachelor party and that was enough

No mas por favor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Did you guys hear about the geologist who got his Bachelor's Degree?

He graduated Magma Cum Laude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
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My buddy got me on the way to the bachelor party

As we pass a building lit up in neon lights

Him sort of kidding: "Hey, you think that's a strip club?

Me: "I don't know about that man"

Him: "Oh. No, that's an auto body shop... Well, they are strippers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStoneAge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2016
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I've completed 4 years of being single today.

Or Can I say I graduated my Bachelor's Degree?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sairohit21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Define Marriage....

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a woman gets her masters.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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If dad jokes were actually that bad

They would be called bachelor jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elyon113
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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Iron man is getting married

His welding is tomorrow and it’s with a fe-male. Apparently he was steel a bachelor and Tonys Spark led to an impromptu proposal and welding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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I got kicked out of school for getting married.

I was going for my bachelor’s degree.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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I married the prince...

I went online and saw that a nigerian princess wanted to send me millions of dollars. However, I had to send $100 for handling fees on the check. However, I wanted confirmation. So I had her send me a picture. She did. Now, a princess needs a prince right? So I went online and found a picture of an eligible bachelor prince. Some guy from Jordan. I then took the two images, placed them side by side, and had some photoshopped ceremonial garb.

In otherwords, I married the prints. Of course, I took pictures of the happy event and sent them to the "princess" with the caption "I already married the prints." The scammer didn't reply unfortunately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I dont know why dad jokes get a bad rap, women love them.

Otherwise they'd be called bachelor jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Umbrella_merc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I’m known for two thingsβ€” being single, and having terrible penmanship.

I’m the most illegible bachelor in town.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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I think my girlfriend might break up with me.

Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/koreanpopstarrain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive women waving at him

He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limsy37
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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My wife and I recently divorced due to my terrible handwriting

Since then I've become a very illegible bachelor

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Idoleyes14
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Hawaii Puns

Hello punsters!

My fiancee and I are having a combined bachelor and bachelorette party that will be Hawaii themed and sadly I got stuck coming up with the invite.

I know reddit is full of quips and puns so any help would be greatly appreciated. The gist of the party will be bring a dish to pass around, wear Hawaii themed clothes, and after we will be playing board/trivia games.

I already have something along the lines of dress in your hawaiian clothes to ensure you'll get leigh'd, but any help you wordsmiths can offer would be great!

Thanks reddit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippinphil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2012
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A recent exchange with my wife

She was telling me how her younger sister has a Bachelor's degree, and makes more money than she does with her Master's in Social Work. Her sister is a phone rep who sells colostomy bags and helps new patients learn to use them. My wife's theory was that her sister makes more for working in the city. To which I said "Maybe she makes more because she has a shitty job".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallHimChumpy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2015
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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If you are single for 4 years.

You should get a bachelor's degree

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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I’m known for two things: for never being married, and having terrible penmanship.

I’m the most illegible bachelor in town.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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In my twenties, I was known for two things: Being single, and my awful handwriting.

I was the most illegible bachelor in town.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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