Babysitter Puns

There’s a crook and nanny in the nook and cranny

Called her a hootin' nanny

Ants and ladybugs.

Because they sit on them.

He always had super vision.

Took him to the infant-ry

A NANI

He already had super vision.

Wife and I are going on a double-date. Our pals have an older kid who will babysit our young ones. We put an order in for pizza for our kids and asked the other couple what the babysitter would like. The response come back, Margherita.

Me: "If you say so... I'll have to pick up some tequila while I'm out."

Cue the groans.

Him: You want a sandwich? Me: Sure! Him: (holding up fist) A knuckle sandwich!?

'Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dad'

Crawdads, doodads, hodads, your mom, the babysitter, your second-grade primary school teacher ...

"Aw, snap!"

Apparently our babysitter taught that to my 2 -1/2 year old daughter.
That is how she said it, verbatim. Im still laughing

(does anyone know any babysitters that accept pay in testicles?)

Context: babysitter said my 5yo son drove him nuts today (while directing it to previously mentioned son). "To the point where I wanted to yell" "STOP" at him."

I turned to him and said,, "Collaborate and listen. We're all here in the name of love so please don't bug your uncle when he's trying to get something done. Or it's hammer time.

^^^(disclaimer. my bro understands and is not mad about him being curious nor would I punish him for being so, or, with a hammer)^^^

Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.

Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".

The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."

So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."