I was sitting on the deck with my son. My neighbor walked by and asked β€œAre you babysitting?”

I said β€œNo, I’m dad sitting.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xand_castle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Me, talking to my dad about babysitting my daughter: Great! We’ll drop her at about 10:30 on Saturday.

Dad: Don’t drop her! That might hurt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcl086
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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7 year old my wife babysits just pulled out a dad joke...

While playing with our 5 year old son and discussing Ninjas and Lego Ninjago...

7 Year Old: I know what kind of shoes Ninjas wear....

5 Year Old: What kind?

7 Year Old: Sneakers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebowtiger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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My leprechaun neighbour asked me to babysit his son

He sure is a handful

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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I had to babysit Pinocchio once

You'd think it would be easy since you can tell if he's lying but I never got a rest because he's a little too high strung

(First Reddit post ever btw hello)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idcwutucallme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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My friend told me if I want to get out of doing the dishes, try dropping some of them. I tried it, it didn't work.

But then during babysitting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Do you know what the difference is between twelve-year-old scotch and baby formula?

No? Then you sure as hell aren't babysitting my kid!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineersAnon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Today I fell into my own sword, and a pleasure it was.

Babysitting my niece in this heat I wanted to be nice and go out for ice cream. So, I start off with "Hey.. I was thinking.." and before I could finish this 6-year old says "Yeah I thought I smelled something burning", without ever looking up.

The sick irony is that I read this one online and was saving it to roast her. I'm proud, but sad. Of course that doesn't mean my campaign of horrid jokes came to an end!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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There's this crackhead in my neighborhood...

There's this crackhead in my neighborhood who is so skinny, everyone calls him "Ribs." Overall he's pretty harmless, but one day we were sitting in the front yard with our toddler in the playpen and he wanted to make the case that we should hire him to babysit. He picked up my son and started making his pitch. Most people would probably freak out as this point, but I just calmly looked at him and said politely, "I want my baby back, Ribs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Need help coming up with pun names for some services

I'm coming up with "punny names" for 3 different services. Yard work, Babysitting, and dogwalking. So far, all I have is "Patty O's lawn mowing service"

I need two of each. Thanks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordberric
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2016
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Well....yeah...

So one night I was babysitting two four year old girls and after having done a puzzle they asked to do one more thing before bed Me: what do you what to do? girl 1: 36 me: What's 36? girl 2: it's a number

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thunderboltsand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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Pizza for babysitter

Wife and I are going on a double-date. Our pals have an older kid who will babysit our young ones. We put an order in for pizza for our kids and asked the other couple what the babysitter would like. The response come back, Margherita.

Me: "If you say so... I'll have to pick up some tequila while I'm out."

Cue the groans.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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"I'm firsty"

3-year old I babysit: "I'm firsty!"

High school girl me: "Well, if you're firsty, then I'm secondy!"

I can't wait to be a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesquirrelpoop
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
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