Wife: Our baby shower is in one week and I have no idea what to wear! What should I wear?!?!

Me: Probably a bathing suit.

Wife: ...? *Glares

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Baby Shower
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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"Dad, will you be coming to the baby shower?"

"I'd prefer a full size shower, thanks"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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I'm having my second kid and asked my dad if he think I should have a baby shower

He said, "absolutely not. Babies should have baths, not showers."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gabesgoods
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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I went to brunch with my family today, and my wife mentioned there was a baby shower at another table. I said...

"I thought babies took baths, not showers!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjm1775
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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Don't invite these guys to the baby shower.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheYank17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2009
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"How long does this baby shower take?" asks my 10 year old...

"Well... it depends on the size of the baby." says my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamuletoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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So I just came back from a baby shower...

Dad: Wow!! You're so much more cleaner than before you left!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andhareall
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2013
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Baby shower dad joke

Friend was at a baby shower and she was texting me.

Her: Just ate, getting the will to leave soon.

Me: Surely you mean gestate. I'll see myself out.

Her: See yourself far... far away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadgod86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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My uncle is a father of three... I needed his address for my baby shower

Trying to invite my uncle to my baby shower went a little like this.....

Me:hey uncle can I get your address so I can send you an invitation?

Uncle:yeah come get it

Me:smart ass.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darth_Grandma
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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I certainly soap you like it.
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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OK here we go. Soap this gets to the front page...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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Ha Ha this is funny joke english is fourth language
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobtomzoe69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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karennnn...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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What do pregnant women think in the shower?

Baby Shower thoughts.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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A momma shower and a daddy shower get together....

And that’s how baby showers are made

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Your-Naked-Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Is my co-worker ready to be a father or what?

Halfway through the baby shower he goes "well this party is a dud, the baby hasn't even showed up to her own party!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R3id
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
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I am become Dad, maker of jokes.

Talking to a friend of mine who is at a marching band competition for her little brother.

>Me: Did you guys make it to the next round?

>Her: We find out in about an hour.

>Me: Yikes, that's stressful.

>Her: Yeah, and we have no idea where we stand.

>Me: Hopefully, on the field.

You're all invited to the baby shower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouGotAte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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Meteor Shower

Talking to my dad, I said "Aw man apparently we missed a meteor shower on sunday"

He says "Yeah? Was ABC there?"

So I'm thinking about what he could possibly be trying to make a joke about and say I give up.

He says "a MEDIA shower! Like a baby shower!" facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hbb322
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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My dad and I were at TD Bank to make a deposit...

There were baby shower decorations set up for what looked to be one of the employee's baby shower, and some food was laid out.

My dad: Look, it's a bank-quet!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjkaufer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Just dad-joked my girlfriend

Her: Baby, I'm going to go jump in the shower.

Me: NO, DON'T! You could totally slip and fall; promise me you'll keep your feet planted, okay?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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Found myself telling a dad joke earlier today at Target...

My wife, daughter, and I were shopping for gifts for a baby shower and were checking out after getting what we needed. My wife handed the list to the cashier so should could scan the barcode and here is what happened next:

Me: Oh, you scan that so it shows what has been bought?

Wife: Yeah

Me: I didn't know that. Only thing I've ever bought for a shower is an umbrella.

Cashier laughed, wife just rolled her eyes....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spqr2001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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