Me: Probably a bathing suit.
Wife: ...? *Glares
"I'd prefer a full size shower, thanks"
He said, "absolutely not. Babies should have baths, not showers."
"I thought babies took baths, not showers!"
"Well... it depends on the size of the baby." says my dad.
Dad: Wow!! You're so much more cleaner than before you left!
Friend was at a baby shower and she was texting me.
Her: Just ate, getting the will to leave soon.
Me: Surely you mean gestate. I'll see myself out.
Her: See yourself far... far away.
Trying to invite my uncle to my baby shower went a little like this.....
Me:hey uncle can I get your address so I can send you an invitation?
Uncle:yeah come get it
Me:smart ass.....
Baby Shower thoughts.
And that’s how baby showers are made
Halfway through the baby shower he goes "well this party is a dud, the baby hasn't even showed up to her own party!"
Talking to a friend of mine who is at a marching band competition for her little brother.
>Me: Did you guys make it to the next round?
>Her: We find out in about an hour.
>Me: Yikes, that's stressful.
>Her: Yeah, and we have no idea where we stand.
>Me: Hopefully, on the field.
You're all invited to the baby shower.
Talking to my dad, I said "Aw man apparently we missed a meteor shower on sunday"
He says "Yeah? Was ABC there?"
So I'm thinking about what he could possibly be trying to make a joke about and say I give up.
He says "a MEDIA shower! Like a baby shower!" facepalm
There were baby shower decorations set up for what looked to be one of the employee's baby shower, and some food was laid out.
My dad: Look, it's a bank-quet!
MAN LAWS
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding
... keep reading on reddit ➡Her: Baby, I'm going to go jump in the shower.
Me: NO, DON'T! You could totally slip and fall; promise me you'll keep your feet planted, okay?
My wife, daughter, and I were shopping for gifts for a baby shower and were checking out after getting what we needed. My wife handed the list to the cashier so should could scan the barcode and here is what happened next:
Me: Oh, you scan that so it shows what has been bought?
Wife: Yeah
Me: I didn't know that. Only thing I've ever bought for a shower is an umbrella.
Cashier laughed, wife just rolled her eyes....
