As a father, is it okay for me to refer to the plastic threaded flange which secures the silicone nipple onto the plastic baby formula bottle as the

baby nipple ring?

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👤︎ u/slowshot
📅︎ Jan 17 2019
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Baby Bottle

https://imgur.com/gallery/J7FKJBz

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👤︎ u/codyhart
📅︎ May 08 2018
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I really enjoyed this song today.

Lamborghini in the bottle baby.

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📅︎ Jan 30 2021
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Remembering my first official dad joke.

My son had just been born, I'm talking freshly cut cord. My mother comes in to see him and notices a bottle of baby shampoo on the table.

"Ooh is that Baby Magic," she asks.

"Nah, he's just an ordinary baby."

Then I realized I was a real dad.

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📅︎ Jan 17 2014
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Best Joke Ever

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in. "So?" Smartie says. "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go. After a few beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, hitting him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood. He turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me?" "I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are fucking menthol".

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👤︎ u/davernr
📅︎ Jan 22 2018
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Happened while reading this thread...

I was feeding my baby a bottle and my wife goes "what are you doing?"

"I'm reading r/dadjokes on Reddit."

"Well I'm hungry."

It's like God smiled down on me while I was reading dad jokes to bless me with possibly the greatest one of all time in context.

TL;DR Wife: I'm hungry Me: (you know what I said)

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📅︎ May 20 2017
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Got my wife last night

Our baby was screaming his little head off. After getting him a bottle and a new diaper:

Wife: "Wailing child is the worst"

Me: "Yeah, and cleaning up the whale parts isn't any fun either."

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👤︎ u/jesuswig
📅︎ Oct 19 2014
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Nothing better than a dad joke during a potential medical emergency.

When I was a baby, my Mom gave me some cider to drink during the holiday season. After doing this she was told that giving a baby cider that wasn't pasteurized could be dangerous. Panicking she called my Grandfather:

Mom: Dad how do I know if the cider is pasteurized?

Grandfather: Ok hold up the bottle of cider.

Mom: Holds up bottle of cider in front of face

Grandfather: Well it's "past your eyes" now!

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👤︎ u/bostrong
📅︎ Dec 25 2013
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