What's a different word for an axe?
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︎ May 02 2021
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
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︎ May 22 2021
My 8 year old son asked me to buy him two axes for his birthday...
I told him ok, Iβd get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
First post in this sub, be gentle
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︎ Jun 07 2021
Why can't Barbarians keep their hands off their axes?
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︎ Feb 27 2021
How do lumberjacks shut down their computers?.
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︎ May 31 2021
What would be bananas without 'b'?
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︎ May 26 2021
I have a scar from an axe on my finger
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︎ Oct 08 2020
An Axe to Grind
An Axe to Grind
A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.
Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't
want to pay for it."
But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining,
he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.Β
Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.
"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.Β
"I got it at a tree lot."
"Then why did you bring an axe?"
"Because I didn't want to pay."
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Paradaxe
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︎ Apr 23 2021
A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews
Apparently it was a real hatchet job
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Can I axe you a question?
Never mind youβd chop at it.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What did the lumberjack say to the talking tree as he swung his axe?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"
The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"
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︎ Aug 25 2020
When firefighters lose their jobs, are they fired or given the axe?
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︎ Jul 14 2020
I accidently sprayed Deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have an Axe Scent.
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︎ May 25 2021
I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Why did the blacksmith pick a fight?
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︎ Jun 04 2021
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
It wasnβt very cleaver.
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︎ Sep 27 2018
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, βNO! Donβt chop me down! Iβm a talking tree!β
The lumberjack responded, βAnd you will dialogue.β
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︎ May 16 2020
Did you hear about the lumberjack who cut down the wrong trees ?
He forgot his chopping list.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
Where does a lumberjack buy his axes?
At the βChopping Maul.β
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︎ Oct 23 2019
If i were an executioner, iβd rather be the guy swinging an axe than the guy tying a rope.
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︎ Feb 08 2020
How can you tell if a lumberjack is lousy?
He has a lot of axe-idents.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
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︎ Sep 19 2019
My friend is always bragging about his woodworking tool like an axe but with the cutting edge perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
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︎ Mar 18 2020
Anti-climb axe
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︎ Nov 25 2017
Just a treemendous pun!
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︎ Jul 20 2020
My friends got together to play electric guitar, but the distance from the wall to their axes was too great...
Luckily, they had a power chord.
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︎ Jan 30 2020
My Grandfather has the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the zoo
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︎ Apr 12 2020
Axe body spray (xpost /r/dndmemes)
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︎ Apr 16 2018
I'm the proud owner of an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln...
I replaced the head once,and the handle twice, but it feels good to own a piece of American history.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
Axe...
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︎ Jan 10 2019
Did you know I used to be a Lumber Jack? It was only during one summer, though.
I just couldn't, hack it.
Because I didn't have the, chops.
So they, gave me the axe.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I had quite the contentious meeting with the local blacksmith
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Why did Johnny Appleseed carry an axe?
To have better axe-ess to apples.
As told by my 8 year old.
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︎ Aug 19 2019
I only like two deodorants, Sure and Right Guard
Feel free to disagree, thatβs just my two scents.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth this morning.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
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︎ Mar 11 2021
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I accidentally sprayed myself in the mouth with body spray today
Now I have this weird Axe scent
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︎ May 19 2021
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth
Now I have this weird Axe scent.
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︎ May 06 2021
I made a bad joke about an axe. No one laughed.
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︎ Aug 07 2019
How do you cut down a tree?
You have to axe it first.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today.
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.
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︎ Feb 07 2021
I own an axe that belonged to Abraham Lincoln
I replaced the head once,and the handle has been replaced twice.
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︎ Aug 08 2019
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