Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Aw this a while back and thought Iβd recreate it
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︎ Jul 19 2018
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye
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︎ Jun 20 2019
Say hello to my . . . . MEME-AW
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︎ Jun 11 2018
[Request] Need a terrible terrible just god awful pun
My girlfriend bet me I couldn't find a pun so bad that she'd tell me to shut up and fuck off and die. Naturally I want to prove her wrong. Any and all help is appreciated
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︎ Jul 19 2019
Can't berr this awful pun
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︎ Jan 22 2018
Complimented a friend on her musical knowledge today...
Me:
> I don't know how you find the time to listen to so many bands.
She replied:
> Yeah, I just have a lot of bandwidth.
Normally, I'm the one with the awful puns. I paused, saw her grin, and had to high five her.
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︎ Feb 09 2015
Iβve got this awful disease where I canβt stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says itβs terminal
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︎ Sep 04 2020
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, Iβm sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Awful dad jokes and puns...
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︎ Jan 05 2021
did nt have enough karma for okbr so it goes here (that's why its just awful)
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︎ Aug 04 2020
I tried street tacos for the first time and man they were awful
They tasted like asphalt!
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Youβre Awful
As in you fill me with awe
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.
Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But Iβm not worried, since he doesnβt have the balls to do anything
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︎ Jan 20 2021
What do you get when you combine an awful hair style and a singer?
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︎ Sep 22 2020
The guy running my town is awful. He doesnβt respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.
Heβs a total night mayor.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
Astronaut 1: Isthereaplacewecanhangoutafterwork?
Astronaut 2: Yeah, thereβs a space bar right over there.
Astronaut 1: Great, wanna go after work?
Astronaut 2: Nah, not really; the drinks are great but thereβs no atmosphere...
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︎ Nov 25 2020
I went to the record store and bought a new album. It was awful...
I tried to get a refund. But I couldn't get my NickleBack.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
I own the world worst theasaurous. Not only is it awful...
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︎ May 06 2020
What did the ear of corn say when it's clothes fell off?
Aw, shucks!
Credit: Bo Burnham
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︎ Jan 29 2021
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︎ May 27 2020
Ghost: knock knock
Person: who's there?
Ghost: Boo
Person: Boo who?
Ghost: aw man. I justed wanted to say hi. Didn't mean to make you cry.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
Why couldnβt the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My pet crow is awful at poker...
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︎ Jun 06 2020
I have this idea for a takeaway restaurant which just sells dairy
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Just had my Christmas dinner
Those slow cookers are awful
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Teacher: Use the word βintermittentβ in a sentence.
I said: While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
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︎ Jan 07 2019
Guys, I know why 2020 been so awful.
If we ever get to 2021. I will be endlessly talking people that `2020 is hindsight` and the sear terribleness of this pun got all god and Eldridge abominations to band up and try to end humanity before that happens. With this, earthly insight, I decided that everyone must be informed of the pun. It is, my and I can't die peacefully knowing it has not laid its mark on a mortal soul
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Settle a pun debate
I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:
Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"
Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"
I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Not all Math puns are awful.
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︎ Sep 17 2019
awful one but found it in a store so yum
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︎ Oct 10 2019
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?
He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
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︎ Jul 01 2019
Knock knock itβs onomatopoeia
Onomatopoeia who you ask?
Please open the door, onomatopoeia my pants!
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Stop making awful new years jokes
Seriously, I've heard them for the entire decade so far.
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︎ Jan 02 2020
The alphabet is terrifying.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
What kind of bagel can fly?
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My mom told really an awful joke about concrete:(
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︎ Dec 30 2019
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
I think it may be terminal
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︎ Jan 04 2021
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
My doctor says it terminal
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I have this awful disease where I canβt stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says itβs terminal.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it's terminal.
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︎ Aug 22 2020
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
my doctor says it's terminal
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︎ Aug 28 2020
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.
The doctor says it's terminal.
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︎ Aug 21 2019
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes
The doctor says it's terminal
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︎ May 13 2019
[At the restaurant] Her: This isnβt working out between us. For starters, Iβm sick of your awful jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
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︎ Oct 26 2019
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