I accidentally played 'dad' instead of 'dead' when the bear attacked..
Now, it can ride a bike without stabilisers.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
My friend attacked someone using sodium chloride.
He was charged with a salt.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
What's the most common form of Owl on Owl attack?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Aug 02 2020
I would like to see a heart attack
π︎ 36
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...
but it's okay since I only took minor damage.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
A man attacked an employee at a Starbucks
The crime was considered a coffee mug.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I was attacked by a mime
He did unspeakable things to me.
π︎ 68
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
My dad attacked me with the vacuum yesterday
He was running around the house yelling "Dyson!"
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
There's a giant fly attacking the police station
Don't worry, I've called in the SWAT team
π︎ 43
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it well. Started insulting and attacking everyone and threw his own feces on the walls.
I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.
π︎ 801
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.
Itβs also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
THE XBOX IS BEING ATTACKED!
THE XBOX IS BEING ATTACKED! Here Comes The Ambulance Wii U Wii U Wii U
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
A man was just attacked by someone holding a compass
He didn't know where to turn, before things went south.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
My evil clone is trying to attack me.
But I probably shouldnβt beat myself up over it.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My Roomba accidentally went outside our front door, and the neighbourhood animals immediately started attacking it.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
I don't think the author even realized what they did! Context: the article is about killer whales attacking boats.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 12 2020
Dad has a heart attack
Dad:has a heart attack
Dad:Call me an ambulance...
Son: uhhh... You're an ambulance....
Dad:....
Dad: That's my boy...dead
π︎ 157
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keeps attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
The police were under heavy attack of the flies
They had to call the SWAT team!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
I was told I can't use eBay anymore.
I don't know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin'
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Attacked by Wendy again.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Edit: Wow! My first Silver and my first Gold! I am honored. What an amazing community. It's a great place to visit after a challenging day.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 07 2019
A local man was arrested for attacking his neighbor with a taser that didn't work.
He was charged with assault without battery.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
I was attacked by a flock of sheep and was sent to the hospital...
Luckily, I was only grazed.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
a bunch of police got attacked by a giant fly
it was so big they had to call in the SWAT team
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Double attack?
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
Why do the lion not attack the farm?
He was a little bit sheepish.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
I was attacked by a gang of people with Obsessiveβcompulsive disorder.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
I was just attacked by a man with a rack of spices!
It was a salt and peppery.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
What did the giraffe say before being attacked by a lion?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
My dad attacked me with a vacuum cleaner today, yelling.....
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said, βIs that a fret?β
π︎ 47
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
π︎ 44
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..
Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.
π︎ 106
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
I cant take My dog to the pond anymore cuz the geese keep attacking him.
I guess thats whats I deserve for having a Pure bread dog
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 31 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
