This bloke said to me: โIโm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.โ
I said: โIs that a fret?'
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︎ Apr 07 2021
How often do pirate attacks occur?
๐︎ 2k
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︎ Feb 02 2021
What insect attacks you when youโre grilling?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Did you hear about the criminal who had a heart attack while running from the police?
He went into cardiac arrest.
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︎ Apr 19 2021
How do you avoid incoming attacks in videogames?
You take advantage of dodgy programming...
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Doctor said Iโm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
I would like to see a heart attack
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What's the most common form of Owl on Owl attack?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Have you heard about Ozzy Osbourneโs new concept album about Donald Trumpโs attack of gastric flu?
Itโs called Diarrhoea of a Madman
I dun made dat un up mah-self
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Dad has a heart attack
Dad:has a heart attack
Dad:Call me an ambulance...
Son: uhhh... You're an ambulance....
Dad:....
Dad: That's my boy...dead
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︎ Aug 18 2020
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.
Itโs also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My evil clone is trying to attack me.
But I probably shouldnโt beat myself up over it.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
The police were under heavy attack of the flies
They had to call the SWAT team!
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Double attack?
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︎ Jun 26 2020
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
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︎ May 11 2020
Why do the lion not attack the farm?
He was a little bit sheepish.
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︎ Aug 28 2020
Why did the Soviet Union not attack Germany right away?
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︎ Jul 01 2020
My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said โthat gave me a heart attack!โ
I told him โactually that was a strokeโ
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︎ Jul 05 2020
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack.
๐︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 23 2018
โDue to the rising number of dolphin attacks, weโve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.โ
โWe hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.โ
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift
Because she had bad blood
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︎ Jun 29 2020
My Doctor has me on a diet to help epilepic attacks...
Mainly spasmati rice and seizure salads...
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︎ Jul 07 2020
TIL there was once a nation whose Navy could only attack when the enemy was behind them.
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︎ May 04 2020
Statistically, you are more likely to be killed by a donkey than by a terrorist attack.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
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︎ Apr 22 2020
Whenโs the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of cherades
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︎ May 29 2020
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
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︎ Mar 10 2020
Why did US army attack turkey?
Because it was Thanksgiving.
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︎ May 29 2020
What do you call it when a DJ get's a heart attack?
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︎ Apr 17 2020
My mom was having a panic attack and wanted to leave
But I told her โNah ma, stayโ
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︎ May 13 2020
Pee Pea Pun Attack !
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︎ Dec 04 2019
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.
You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran
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︎ Feb 14 2020
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
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︎ May 21 2020
I saw the headline โTrump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirusโ and thought...
What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?
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︎ Apr 08 2020
TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which Norwayโs Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Hispanic attacks
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︎ Oct 30 2019
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, โIโm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!โ I shot back...
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︎ Mar 29 2021
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him is that a Fret!
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︎ Oct 13 2020
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said, โIs that a fret?โ
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Some guy just threatened to attack me with a neck of a guitar.
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︎ May 30 2020
Son: *having a heart attack* dad, call me an ambulance
Dad: okay, you're an ambulance
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Dad (having an heart attack): Son call me an ambulance...
Son actually calls an ambulance.
Dad dies of disappointment.
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︎ Aug 13 2018
What do you call a guy having a heart attack?
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︎ Jan 26 2020
Some guy just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said โIs that a fretโ
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︎ Oct 20 2018
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