Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerStorm83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Armed robbers

You've got to hand it to them.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YakDangerous5412
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad saw an ad for game with heavily armed animals. He asked me what they gave the naked mole rats.

I told him stealth gear and a go bag. He is an exposed double agent.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chiefmudbear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an eight-armed Vulcan?

A spocktopus.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scarecrow53
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Where did the one armed man go

To the second hand shop

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TabbyReddit07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A ate a burger from a 1-armed chef.

He said it was a handburger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVegano
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?

Or is that considered cheating?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YolkyBoii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How do one-armed mothers raise their kids?

Single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swistiannt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....

Nobody move.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.

I call it β€œBest bets for vetting vets for vets”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An armed robber bursts into a store one day.

Pointing his firearm at two cashiers, he shouts β€œhand over the contents of the cash register! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession...you know, a habitual occupation followed for a livelihood and involving commercial transactions!”

Cashier 1: β€œWhat do we do?”

Cashier 2: β€œDo what he says, I think he means business!”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Armed robbery
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a one-armed person has no need for?

A second hand watch

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a band of well-armed lesbians?

Militia Etheridge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call armed toddlers?

The infantry

Edit: joke origin u/Strawberry_Milk97 and u/Izzy3710

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddituser1708
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tree full of armed infants?

Infant tree

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLizardLeLizard
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How do u get a one-armed monkey down from a coconut tree?

You wave at him

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Perseus_Turambar
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
One armed butlers

They can take it but they can't dish it out

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been practicing one-armed pushups recently,

I'm so good now I can do them two at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnorthadoxElf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I was tried for armed robbery, but the case was overturned on a technicality.

My father always said I lack conviction.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you get a one-armed man down from a flag pole?

You wave.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the best armed country in the world?

Armenia

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Armed grenade
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_a_pathetic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A person without arms and a knife in their mouth is still technically armed,

but only to the teeth.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSadisticNerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was served by a one armed waiter once

You’ve got to hand it to him

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigWaveSmallOcean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My rich friend hired a one-armed butler, and is now regretting it.

Serves him right.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
How do one armed moms take care of their kids?

Single handedly

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benjamingur9
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Local news reports an armed and dangerous loaf of bread:

they say he's packing wheat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzymilkcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a one-armed karate man?

A partial artist!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did I hire myself a one armed Butler!

Serves me right.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrVilborg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do one armed people go about the it daily routines?

Single handedly!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depot where the armed forces store their camouflage?

A wherehouse.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I took a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters

It's shift work

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dylanthomas29
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Who is the healthiest person in the Armed Forces?

General Well-being.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the one-armed bandit? ...

He has already robbed five banks single-handedly.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you get a one armed wally out of a tree

Wave to him

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waxy1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 620
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

She didn't laugh but I hope you folks did.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thunderup_14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
πŸ‘︎ 307
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/isthisgood12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
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