Whenever I think about Alexander Fleming

I come to a conclusion he must have been a fungi to work with.

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📅︎ May 04 2021
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My wife said that I won’t advance in my career because I procrastinate too much.

I said, “Oh yeah? Just you wait.”

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📅︎ Apr 08 2018
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Alexander the Great at an airport

"Name?" "Alexander." "Occupation?" "No, sightseeing."

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📅︎ Apr 11 2016
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My friend Alexander recently broke his collarbone...

My friend Alexander recently broke his collarbone, and he was complaining that he could no longer lift anything with his right arm. He was particularly upset that his hard-won gainz would atrophy, so he would be stronger on his left side than his right.

"Now you'll be asymmetricAl" I said.

Everyone laughed I chuckled heartily to myself whilst everyone within earshot gave me a weird look.

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📅︎ Jun 09 2015
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