The best anti aging cream is being antisocial...
Without friends, nobody tells you happy birthday...
Without birthdays, you're not getting older!
Whats the secret to that not aging immortal?
Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.
Especially if you take them when you are driving.
I used to be in charge of my aging parents estate, but my brother was bitten by a radioactive lawyer.
Now he has the power of attorney
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
Aging is hard. When I saw my first grey hairs...
Aging gracefully
is just a nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
Do you know the god who is in charge of the aging process of humans?
He is called as the MANAGER.
My aging dad decided to enter a kickboxing tournament
He's not athletic, and he'd never fought before. I thought he was crazy to even enter it, but he said he had a plan to win: he would wrap his feet in underwear. I didn't see how that would help, but he surprised us all and went undie-feeted.
What is an aging magician's best friend onstage and greatest enemy in the bedroom?
What do you call a 17 y/o that stops aging?
It turns out Keanu Reeves did a movie back in the 90s where he played a High School student who stopped aging.
It was called “Constant Teen”.
What’s the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
She's 92 now. We have no idea where she is.
I learned lock-picking at an early age
It has opened many doors for me.
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobies around the age of thirteen...
...and boys develop them around the age of forty…
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
You shouldn't discriminate against first graders based on their age.
Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho
Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78
At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story.
At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???
If Hermes was the messenger god, the he sure was lucky not to have met the god of pain and old age...
What do you call teenagers who pee in their pants at the age of 14?
They found bones of a homisapien who lived before the ice age. Some say he was the first hipster...
since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
If old age is catching up with you ...
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
Apparently until the age of 10 ,
Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty, shat on the wall
What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?
My son asked if I picked my nose when I was his age.
I told him “no, I was born with it”
What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
Ive been reading this book called “The A to Z of Northern Europe”, but it’s taking me ages...
Not sure I’ll ever get to the Finish
Middle age is when you have the choice of two temptations....
.....and you pick the one that will get you home earlier.
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
What is the worst part about being a letter carrier in the middle ages?
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
What do you call it when you throw a middle aged woman off a building and they come back to you?
I like all cheeses, those blue ones, those aged ones, even those sliced ones...
but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/
What's the Russian word for dry-aged steak?
Women should not have babies after 40.
Like most people my age...
As my impeccably dressed co-worker has aged, incontinence has set in.
He went from dapper Dan to diaper Dan.
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?
A hundred dollar bill.
This is my dad's favorite joke.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
Did you hear that middle-aged people are the happiest?
Yeah, they’re halving the time of their life.
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.
When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. “When I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
A rich occultist tells his Butler to get him some aged bourbon
He summoned spirits of long ago
What do you call a pig from the dinosaur age?
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
Aging is hard. When I saw my first grey hairs...
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys…
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty…
Why was it called the dark ages?
Because of all the knights.
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