CROW-VID-19
They say the police are trying to weed out the culprit.
So I packed my things and right.
It can cause lemon AIDS.
I hope you’re not in a Uri.
Now they all have Mousey Tongue.
Ginger-bite-us
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
It’s a sturgeon general warning.
They’re immoovabull.
That’s right!
.... Everyone.
It would seem that their capital is always Dublin.
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
EDIT: HOLY my first award! Thankyou stranger!
I instantly thought this could affect Hundreds & Thousands...
The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.
Au-spicious.
While this joke is bad, I doubt you've reddit before.
Person 1: What is your opinion on that one classic pulling the bunny out of the hat trick?
Person 2: I think raises some hare-raising questions.
P1: How so?
P2: It just begs the question of how it affects the rabbits themselves. After all, the magicians were pulling them out without a carrot the world.
P1: You raise at interesting point.
P2: We all know it's because of the secret compartment, you know? And, to minimize the suspiciousness of the hat, the compartment is as small as possible?
P1: Yes
P2: It must be very uncomfurtable to be in that space, and then be grabbed by the ears and raised high in front of a crowd. Like, don't get me wrong, I love magic tricks, but I wand to specify that i honestly feel that this trick in particular is quite inhumane.
It's something called social distance sink.
He didn’t have his Licker license
I told her it was an ovary action.
Sounds to me like her confidence has taken hablo.
The vacuum of space.
But turns out it makes a pretty vas deferens
They are all free speech!
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!
The hippocampus.
It's a mobile device.
To build up my spirits he said, “Now, anything can affect your eye. Most anything. Like I’ve got one patient who lost an eye drinking coffee.”
I said, “Lost an eye drinking coffee?”
He said, “Yeah, he forgot to take the spoon out of the cup.”
http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/red-skeltons-eye-exam/
I was explaining the interesting L-glucose thing I saw on Reddit t'other day to my diabetic father.
Dad: oh, so it's Spanish glucose then?
He thought it was great.
Edit: TIL I am a neckbeard-Yorkshireman with a Dad who literally bats for 't'other side' - for anyone still in the dark,"t'other" is contraction of "the other" commonly heard in NE England; it is commonly used elsewhere as a lighthearted/bucolic affectation.
I hope 2 day shipping isn’t affected.
My wife is going to see a nutritionist to see how her diet can affect the fetus. As she was heading out the door, I said, "Hope your appointment is fruitful!"
She glared as she closed the door.
No, I'm not a smart shopper.
(I do this in front of the soon to be eyerolling wife. My boy still to young to "affect")
(This works where I live since the one grocery chain of stores branded their loyalty card scheme with the name "smart shopper")
"Does it affect the price?" I asked.
"No, not at all." she replied.
"In that case, I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."
