They had to denominator.
He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"
it was quite the sandal.
I told her it was one night stand...
As if i care who that Guy FΓΓΓΓs.
I said to my cheating wife "Let's settle this in affair explanation!" She said "OK. I cheated on you because your heart were as cold as the North Poll!" I looked at her then said "I'm diss a pointed..."
They cantaloupe.
Could say she was an old phlegm
I said alphabetically or by age
It's an unfortunate state of affairs.
Because of all their business affairs
It was an odd love triangle...
Itβs amazing the lengths it will go to please me.
He seems miserable lately
They 8-2 much
But Iβm just grasping at straws here.
We've moved 250 miles north and we've still got the same window cleaner!
My youngest was watching Netflix, deciding on a few episodes of Captain Underpants. In one particular episode, the titled character is forced to share a room with a clown. My wife, watching this show, laughs about him having Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), and repeatedly panicking in subsequent scenes. Finally near the episode, she asks ,"What did that clown ever do to him?"
My response: "Nothing. He's It's Cousin. Pound Foolish"
Wife stares at me. Blinks twice. Goes back to watching the TV that has more comedy than her idiot husband
I said 'How could you say such a thing?'.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
Now I'm going to have to switch Jims
"Yes," I said. "It's when someone is disloyal to their partner."
It's the icing on the cake.
It's a current affair.
I read about it in Current Affairs
I was describing a movie to my dad earlier today, and mentioned that the main character had an affair. He replied saying βno, he definitely didnβt have an affair, he's completely bald!β
They know all about the current affairs.
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.
The two couldn't be happier!
They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.
One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.
She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.
She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.
A shallot, if you will.
A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.
They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.
The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.
Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.
Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.
He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.
One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.
The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.
She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to
... keep reading on reddit β‘
Sure. Your wife's having an affair with your gardener.
Spoke to someone this morning who works for children's affairs... I couldn't believe there was a whole department just for non-committal minors
The ruler.
r/punpatrol
r/punKGB
r/Pun_Internal_Affairs
r/punspecialforces
These are the names of our oppressors! There may be more, but they are our greatest threat. They are currently amassing an army to try to end puns as we know it.
If we are to save this beautiful form of our language, than we must unite! We must not divide ourselves by titles, but unite ourselves as punners!
They plan on eradicating all puns by going to the source, the pun user. Are we to let ourselves be undermined by those who think they are better than us? Are we to let ourselves and all future generations be banned from puns? If you say no, then join in the revolt
##VIVA LA R/PUNS
It was a sorted affair.
This voluptius Asian came over and I asked for a lap dance.While she was doing her thing,I asked her,"What nationality are you?"
She replied,"I'm half black and half Thai.
I then said,"Oh,I didn't realize this was a Black Tie affair.
Edit: True story.
https://www.reddit.com/r/PunSpecialForces/comments/ccfpi5/we_need_to_raid_rpuns/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Recently a member of r/PunSpecialForces has requested to raid r/puns, but a member of r/PunInternalAffairs is trying to stop this. This is a message to keep you guys safe.
I am a representative from the r/PunPatrol and we have been seeing some of our officers have been arrested individuals on this server where in a peace treaty we have allowed Puns in this subreddit. We apologise for these rogue officers and have reported them to r/PunInternalAffairs . Thanks for understanding.
Grapes suck man, I mean potatoes they're appealing ;) and can even grow back even after being smashed ;) out drunk, but grapes they just get drunk and wine and wine and wine ;), oh and corn, god who needs corn, they just party but pop off ;) for no reason, they say after its waters temper ;) but... well I guess water is not good either, they get angry and just boil ;) over... oh and I heard some news about tomatoes they had an affair with cherries ;), I heard that tomatoes wife is gonna get revenge by dewing grass ;), but I can only say one thing the plant party was wild last night.
It was a currant affairs program.
me: only if sheβs american because i donβt get involved in foreign affairs
What a disturbing state of affairs
