The local humane society is giving away male geese for free.
I might go take a gander.
i want to open a puppy mill store next to the humane society, and sell dogs by weight
i'll call it "Puppies by the Pound"
One small Step for Humanity.
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
I'm starting my new job as a human chess piece.
The money is great. I'm on knights next week.
Lil Nas X sold his sole to make these nike shoes with a drop of human blood
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
My wife said, “I don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids
then it behooves you to become a centaur.
Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.
Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.
How does a train eat human food?
I successfully crossbred a human and a coffee plant
The first human bean is here
My friend creates hybrid animals. She made a cow with human glutes. It turned out to be so cute!
I really like to look at her butt-ox!
I built a catapult that can send a human from the USA all the way to Africa
What country you end up in depends on the Angola approach
9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...
Because the rock is a little meteor.
One of my buddies asked me if I could find out what the largest organ in the human body was.
So I googled and told him exactly what I found.
Basically a skin for a friend.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
which bone of the human body is the funny bone?
Human interest for 2021 Lent
A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition.
This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow...
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
What did the fish say to the human
Introducing the fauna of the human body
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"
The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."
So I read a study the other day claiming that “humans eat more bananas than monkeys”
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs?
Severed Human Nose Found
I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."
Ridiculously photogenic humans (Credit: how.how)
I have a human DNA joke
It’s pretty long. It comes in 46 parts. Also, everyone tells the joke differently, but usually family members tell pretty much the same joke.
If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be ?
If I discovered a new element that is slightly denser than the human body.
I would name it hooman, so people could ask are we hooman or are we denser?
Did you hear about the human cannon-ball?
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
My wife said, “I don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”
Me: That makes two of us.
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.
He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
I've just been offered a job as a human chess piece...
The money is good.
I'm on knights this week.
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