My private pun collection
π︎ 354
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
Private Ryan.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
The sergeant asked the private to 'stand up straight'.
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Iβm not sure why people refer to womenβs privates as a flower
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Iβve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.
He kept things pretty low key.
π︎ 103
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
How do you fix BeyoncΓ©'s private plane
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
Why did the Army private's ghost possess an Officer?
He wanted to appear in Corporeal form!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Sorry, my confile is in private
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 11 2020
My British friend has started getting his son private tutoring
I can't imagine how much money he must be shilling out.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
Due to COVID, the King of Spain is in quarantine primarily aboard his private jet.
The reign in Spain stays mainly in the plane!
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Iβm thinking about sending my mailing labels to private school.
Hopefully they can learn to apply themselves.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
My brother has a pilot's licence but only for private flights. So, he put ads all over his plane.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 10 2020
I've been getting into a lot of trouble at school recently, so my dad asked to have a word in private
He turned to me and said, "Parwiovradte."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 17 2019
What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?
The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
I got my own private jet
The rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my wife.
π︎ 685
π
︎ Jun 28 2014
Phone rings.......Dad: What does the Caller ID say?......Son: It says Private Caller......
Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
π︎ 227
π
︎ Jan 12 2019
The privates park
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 02 2019
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 10 2015
Private I
π︎ 273
π
︎ Apr 18 2017
Wife: "Let's keep her name private until she's born."
"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 20 2018
I do have my own private jet
But my mum still owns the rest of the jacuzzi.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 25 2019
Saving Private Ryan
π︎ 191
π
︎ Sep 27 2015
Seniors in private schools
Are part of the upper class
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 23 2019
What does a private investigator call a short investigation?
π︎ 144
π
︎ Oct 27 2016
As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 07 2019
With only a fraction of my wealth I could buy a private jet
That fraction would have to be
8000001/2
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 09 2018
I quit my job as a private driver today
After 25 years I had nothing to show-for it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 14 2018
The doctors have moved me from a private room, to a stall with hay and water.
They are trying to stable-ize me.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 01 2018
My private part is as hard as iron today...
... does this make me FE-male?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 22 2015
If a private investigator is called a private eye, what do you call a pirate investigator?
A privateer.
(It's one to hold on to for September 19th!)
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 28 2017
A sergeant of the Australian army yells at a private....
"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?"
The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"
π︎ 73
π
︎ Dec 27 2014
My doctor shut down his private practice...
I guess he just didn't have the patients for it.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Apr 14 2017
I tried to hire a crocodile private eye wearing a sleeveless jacket.
But I couldn't find one so I got an in-vest-a-gator instead.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 16 2017
Why was the private detective obsessed with tracking litterers?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 21 2017
As an American army private during WWII, how did my great-uncle fight in the Battle of the Bulge...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 27 2018
What does Oliver Queen call his private jet?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 26 2016
When I was heading to a private place to dance
When my girlfriend and I was climbing up several stories in an apartment to go to our spot to practice dancing, I complained that it'd be easier to just practice on the first floor.
Her: I don't want to, we'd get so many stares!
Me: We can't possibly get any more stairs than here.
I tell myself that she thinks I'm cool every time
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 07 2015
The instructor of an IT course I took at a private college told this one.
"What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho cheese!"
This elicited a few chuckles.
"Kay...So..."
I realised I was the only one who laughed at this.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 13 2014
I have my own private jet
But the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mother.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 24 2018
2 puns were hidden from this page.
Show all.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
