My private pun collection
ποΈ 354
π
οΈ Feb 29 2020
What do you call a lady's private parts made from sugar, butter and chocolate?
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Mar 20 2021
Private Ryan.
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Feb 19 2021
The sergeant asked the private to 'stand up straight'.
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
ποΈ 12
π
οΈ Jan 30 2021
Iβve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
ποΈ 31
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οΈ Feb 17 2021
Iβm not sure why people refer to womenβs privates as a flower
ποΈ 20
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οΈ Jan 23 2021
How do you fix BeyoncΓ©'s private plane
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Feb 15 2021
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.
He kept things pretty low key.
ποΈ 104
π
οΈ Dec 04 2020
Why did the Army private's ghost possess an Officer?
He wanted to appear in Corporeal form!
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Nov 14 2020
Sorry, my confile is in private
ποΈ 20
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οΈ May 11 2020
My British friend has started getting his son private tutoring
I can't imagine how much money he must be shilling out.
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Aug 01 2020
Due to COVID, the King of Spain is in quarantine primarily aboard his private jet.
The reign in Spain stays mainly in the plane!
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Jul 01 2020
Iβm thinking about sending my mailing labels to private school.
Hopefully they can learn to apply themselves.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Jul 15 2020
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Jan 27 2020
My brother has a pilot's licence but only for private flights. So, he put ads all over his plane.
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Mar 10 2020
I've been getting into a lot of trouble at school recently, so my dad asked to have a word in private
He turned to me and said, "Parwiovradte."
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Apr 23 2020
What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Oct 17 2019
What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?
The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.
ποΈ 38
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οΈ Oct 22 2019
Phone rings.......Dad: What does the Caller ID say?......Son: It says Private Caller......
Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
ποΈ 226
π
οΈ Jan 12 2019
I got my own private jet
The rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my wife.
ποΈ 687
π
οΈ Jun 28 2014
The privates park
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Apr 02 2019
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Mar 10 2015
Wife: "Let's keep her name private until she's born."
"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."
ποΈ 19
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οΈ Dec 20 2018
Private I
ποΈ 271
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οΈ Apr 18 2017
I do have my own private jet
But my mum still owns the rest of the jacuzzi.
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Apr 25 2019
What do you call a girl who thinks with her private parts?
ποΈ 2
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οΈ May 12 2019
Saving Private Ryan
ποΈ 194
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οΈ Sep 27 2015
Seniors in private schools
Are part of the upper class
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Mar 23 2019
What does a private investigator call a short investigation?
ποΈ 149
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οΈ Oct 27 2016
As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Feb 07 2019
With only a fraction of my wealth I could buy a private jet
That fraction would have to be
8000001/2
ποΈ 17
π
οΈ Sep 09 2018
I quit my job as a private driver today
After 25 years I had nothing to show-for it.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ May 14 2018
The doctors have moved me from a private room, to a stall with hay and water.
They are trying to stable-ize me.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Apr 01 2018
My private part is as hard as iron today...
... does this make me FE-male?
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Mar 22 2015
If a private investigator is called a private eye, what do you call a pirate investigator?
A privateer.
(It's one to hold on to for September 19th!)
ποΈ 6
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οΈ Dec 28 2017
A sergeant of the Australian army yells at a private....
"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?"
The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"
ποΈ 71
π
οΈ Dec 27 2014
My doctor shut down his private practice...
I guess he just didn't have the patients for it.
ποΈ 26
π
οΈ Apr 14 2017
I tried to hire a crocodile private eye wearing a sleeveless jacket.
But I couldn't find one so I got an in-vest-a-gator instead.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Aug 16 2017
Why was the private detective obsessed with tracking litterers?
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 21 2017
As an American army private during WWII, how did my great-uncle fight in the Battle of the Bulge...
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jan 27 2018
What does Oliver Queen call his private jet?
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Aug 26 2016
When I was heading to a private place to dance
When my girlfriend and I was climbing up several stories in an apartment to go to our spot to practice dancing, I complained that it'd be easier to just practice on the first floor.
Her: I don't want to, we'd get so many stares!
Me: We can't possibly get any more stairs than here.
I tell myself that she thinks I'm cool every time
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Apr 07 2015
The instructor of an IT course I took at a private college told this one.
"What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho cheese!"
This elicited a few chuckles.
"Kay...So..."
I realised I was the only one who laughed at this.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Feb 13 2014
I have my own private jet
But the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mother.
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Jan 24 2018
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