My private pun collection
π︎ 354
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︎ Feb 29 2020
What do you call a lady's private parts made from sugar, butter and chocolate?
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Private Ryan.
π︎ 24
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︎ Feb 19 2021
The sergeant asked the private to 'stand up straight'.
The private said, "That's a tall order, sir."
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 30 2021
Iβve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
π︎ 31
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Iβm not sure why people refer to womenβs privates as a flower
π︎ 20
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︎ Jan 23 2021
How do you fix BeyoncΓ©'s private plane
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 15 2021
The Norse god of mischief only had private birthday parties.
He kept things pretty low key.
π︎ 104
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Why did the Army private's ghost possess an Officer?
He wanted to appear in Corporeal form!
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Sorry, my confile is in private
π︎ 20
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︎ May 11 2020
My British friend has started getting his son private tutoring
I can't imagine how much money he must be shilling out.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Due to COVID, the King of Spain is in quarantine primarily aboard his private jet.
The reign in Spain stays mainly in the plane!
π︎ 11
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︎ Jul 01 2020
Iβm thinking about sending my mailing labels to private school.
Hopefully they can learn to apply themselves.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 15 2020
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 27 2020
My brother has a pilot's licence but only for private flights. So, he put ads all over his plane.
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 10 2020
I've been getting into a lot of trouble at school recently, so my dad asked to have a word in private
He turned to me and said, "Parwiovradte."
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 23 2020
What would you call Donald Duck if he became a private investigator?
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 17 2019
What's the difference between a Stalker and a Private Investigator?
The Private Investigator get's paid, and the stalker is pursuing his passion.
π︎ 38
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︎ Oct 22 2019
Phone rings.......Dad: What does the Caller ID say?......Son: It says Private Caller......
Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
π︎ 226
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︎ Jan 12 2019
I got my own private jet
The rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my wife.
π︎ 687
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︎ Jun 28 2014
The privates park
π︎ 14
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︎ Apr 02 2019
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
π︎ 2k
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︎ Mar 10 2015
Wife: "Let's keep her name private until she's born."
"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."
π︎ 19
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︎ Dec 20 2018
Private I
π︎ 271
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︎ Apr 18 2017
I do have my own private jet
But my mum still owns the rest of the jacuzzi.
π︎ 17
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︎ Apr 25 2019
What do you call a girl who thinks with her private parts?
π︎ 2
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︎ May 12 2019
Saving Private Ryan
π︎ 194
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︎ Sep 27 2015
Seniors in private schools
Are part of the upper class
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 23 2019
What does a private investigator call a short investigation?
π︎ 149
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︎ Oct 27 2016
As a private investigator, I'm pursuing a con man by tracing his stream of impoverished victims...
Yes, he left a pauper trail.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 07 2019
With only a fraction of my wealth I could buy a private jet
That fraction would have to be
8000001/2
π︎ 17
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︎ Sep 09 2018
I quit my job as a private driver today
After 25 years I had nothing to show-for it.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 14 2018
The doctors have moved me from a private room, to a stall with hay and water.
They are trying to stable-ize me.
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 01 2018
My private part is as hard as iron today...
... does this make me FE-male?
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 22 2015
If a private investigator is called a private eye, what do you call a pirate investigator?
A privateer.
(It's one to hold on to for September 19th!)
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 28 2017
A sergeant of the Australian army yells at a private....
"PRIVATE, DID YOU COME HERE TO DIE?"
The private responds: "NO SIR! I came here yesterday!"
π︎ 71
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︎ Dec 27 2014
My doctor shut down his private practice...
I guess he just didn't have the patients for it.
π︎ 26
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︎ Apr 14 2017
I tried to hire a crocodile private eye wearing a sleeveless jacket.
But I couldn't find one so I got an in-vest-a-gator instead.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 16 2017
Why was the private detective obsessed with tracking litterers?
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 21 2017
As an American army private during WWII, how did my great-uncle fight in the Battle of the Bulge...
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 27 2018
What does Oliver Queen call his private jet?
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 26 2016
When I was heading to a private place to dance
When my girlfriend and I was climbing up several stories in an apartment to go to our spot to practice dancing, I complained that it'd be easier to just practice on the first floor.
Her: I don't want to, we'd get so many stares!
Me: We can't possibly get any more stairs than here.
I tell myself that she thinks I'm cool every time
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 07 2015
The instructor of an IT course I took at a private college told this one.
"What do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho cheese!"
This elicited a few chuckles.
"Kay...So..."
I realised I was the only one who laughed at this.
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 13 2014
I have my own private jet
But the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mother.
π︎ 25
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︎ Jan 24 2018
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