What did the windshield wiper say to the bug?

I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_tiger253
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Windshield wipers

Wife: it's not raing too hard. Can you turn the windshield wipers down, they are making me motion sick. Me: Don't you meen they are making you SEE sick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wazupy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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"I want two new wipers for my Renault" I said to the shop assisstant

He replied "that's a good trade"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJGUHD
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I'd positioned my car correctly.

It said "Parking fine". So that was nice.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Friend of mine got a windshield wiper motor for his Yugo

It was a good trade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffy_assassins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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My daughter decided to make a wiper blade
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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Dora and Diego visit the North West in winter

Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:

"Wiper no Wiping!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eldukae
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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How did the man with two butts die?

He was ass-ass-inated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_dkz_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Driving down the highway in the rain..

and my sister complains that the windshield wipers aren't going fast enough for the weather. My dad replies: "They're already going 55mph, how much faster do you want them to go?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazikyle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Car Shop joke

So we walk into a car shop to get some wiper blades and go up to the cashier's desk to ask for help. The cashier asks as a joke whether dad broke his computer (I guess it wasn't working? ). Dad responds "I've been told I have a magnetic personality". Brilliant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technoverlord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
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