My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Dad, what's going on?
Couldn't tell you, all I know is that Stacy's mom's got it
What do you do when there's worldwide revolution going on?
What to text when you're not going to be on time...
If I had a nickel for every time I didn’t know what was going on
I would be like... how did I get all these fucking nickels??
Why don’t we know what’s going on with Kim Jong-un?
He’s Kim Jong-unavailable
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my dad carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
"OMG, what's going on? I can see through you."
"My son told me he is transgender."
"So?"
"That makes me transparent."
My friend from Saudi Arabia never has any idea what's going on...
I guess I can't blame him, he's been living under Iraq.
What did the rapper forget when going on holiday?
What do you call it when an Elephant has a loose tooth? Perfect joke with the LSU/Alabama game going on right now..
If I had a dime for every time I didn't understand what's going on,
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
What did the elements of the periodic table say when they heard that Oxygen and Potassium were going on a date?
What the duck is going on here
My wife said that I should start paying more attention to what’s going on around me.
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.
My dog wasn’t acting right so I asked him what was going on
He said he had a ruff day
Me : What's going on, God ?
God : I'm bulduing something
Me : Cool what is it ?
God : It's a wooden stick that lights itself up
Me : That looks like a match made in heaven
(At the vet) “Doctor, my two pet birds seemed to be stuck together. What is going on?”
Vet: I have no idea. It’s toucan fusing.
When you have to choose between between going out with your ex again or have a growth on your forehead, what is that choice called?
What does a Psychologist Put on Before Going to Bed?
They put on their Piagets!
One morning at work a few years ago, I wasn't paying attention to what Was going on around me and I suffered a serious industrial accident.
I worked right thru my coffee break !
What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
What the crap is going on in my hallway?!
D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?
D: The dawn of a new age.
What beverage does someone stock up on when they think the world is going to end?
How do you call a wolf that knows what's going on?
I guess you could say Colin Kaepernick can't stand what's going on in this country
I told my dad today "I'm going on a diet, I just weighed myself I nearly fell of the scale when I saw what I weighed!"
He said, "That sounds a balance problem and not a weight problem."
If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
"What's going on? I can see right through you!" "My son told me he's transgender..."
"...so that makes me
transPARENT."
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
