Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
Tree before it gets cut down: wait! I'm a talking tree!
Lumberjack: and you will dialogue
A man was chopping down a tree but was surprised when the tree suddenly exclaimed, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
then he responded, "And you will dialogue!"
A lumberjack was out cutting down trees in the forest one day. He went to swing his axe and the tree screamed "WAIT! I'M A TALKING TREE!!!!"
The lumberjack looked up at the tree and paused saying "well, you may be a talking tree, but I'll see that you die a log!"
Devil puns anyone? Lol also promoting Lucifer huhu can’t wait
I can't wait until the pandemic is over, and I can see the pun-based show my local theater troupe has been rehearsing.
I can’t wait for Halloween this year!
Everyone will be wearing masks!
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
After waiting for an hour at the doctor's office the nurse came by and said sorry for the wait...
To which I replied, "No problem, I'm patient."
I can’t wait for this year to be over
Then I can say “hindsight’s 2020”.
Why do melons have to wait so long to get married?
Can't wait for this travel ban to lift. Prague would be my number one choice..
Wait wait, they've got a point
When you wait for the waiter, you become the waiter
I always wait for my Dad jokes to mature.
That way they’re full groan.
Wait until he hears about the doors.
Doctor *arrives late* sorry for the wait
Just wait until you hit the drop
Vice your meat? Wait. No...
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
Literally just happened: Wife completing our 2020 census reading off list of ethnicities. “Wait... what is... Chamorro?”
Me: “Chamorro? It’s Chursday.”
Why do bacteria wait 5s before touching the food?
they first have to skip an ad.
Against my better judgement, I ordered a European bride. When I called and asked how long I'd have to wait, they told me...
"The Czechs in the mail."
I can't wait for the Korean blues singer to come to town!
I hear his sound is very Seoulful and reminiscent of the 70’s.
Wait, have you seen this?
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!
The sign in this restaurant says “Please wait for hostess to be seated.”
I’ve been here two hours and she is still on her feet.
Wait, looks like the Christmas presents are singing...
Oh, they're covered in rapping paper.
I was waiting for a long time at the restaurant. The waiter came and said; sorry for your wait...
I said: are you calling me fat?
You thought other puns were bad? wait until you (sorry I dunno how to add text to images and i'm new to reddit)
A lumberjack walks into an enchanted forest. As he goes to chop down a tree, it calls out. "Wait, don't chop me down. I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack smiles. "And you will dialogue."
I’ve been prescribed anti-gloating cream... I can't wait to rub it in!
Why is the melon sad that he has to wait to get married?
Me: Can’t wait to see clearly next year..
My dad: What do you mean son? Your eyesights not that bad..
Me: Yes, but next year will be 2020.
My dad can't wait for January 1st
It'll be the first time we'll be in 20/20
If you missed the special NYE this time, just wait for two years.
Because 2022 is 2020, too.
Can't wait for Fast and Furious 10
It will be titiled "Fast 10: Your Seatbelts"
I was having an argument with my wife about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, “YOU should do it because YOU get up first and then we won't have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
I went full sexist pig, “YOU'RE in charge of cooking around here woman and YOU should do it, because it's YOUR job and I can just wait for my coffee.”
She replied coldly, “No, YOU should do it and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
I guffawed, “I can’t believe that, show me!”
So she fetched the Bible and opened to the New Testament and showed me the top of several pages, that it indeed says, “HEBREWS!”
If you’re looking for a tip: Wait for it...
Pro tip: wait until next year to get lasik or other corrective eye surgery
so you can have 2020 vision
I can't wait!, they're finally making The Watchmaker movie.
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “No, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, “Of course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”
And the rope replies, “I’m a frayed knot.”
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,
"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"
What a lovely duo these two are. Can't wait for Lost In Space S2
I can't wait for January 1, 2021
Then, hindsight will be 2020.
I can’t wait for cremation
I’ll finally have that hot smoking bod I always wanted
I really need to work on my wait
Green Curry, Red Curry, *wait, what?*
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait." DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
Child: “Dad, wait - I’ve got something in my shoe.”
Dad: “Is it a foot?”
Child: “I knew you were gonna say that, dad.”
Wait, does this apply to me??
I just realized an unfortunate truth about people who make puns.
Most of their jokes are homophonic.
Whenever my girlfriend wants to argue about something, she waits until I’m relaxing in my hammock.
Every thanksgiving when my family is watching football my dad waits until the quarterback is sacked and says the following....
“That’s what you call a look-out block, you turn around and say LOOK OUT”
The moment we all patiently wait for.
If you have to wait on line for the bathroom...
I can't wait to understand instant gratification.
Can’t wait to see my buds
A good meal is worth the wait.
But a good dessert is worth the weight.
Wait sir you forgot your Strawlin!
I've heard a lot of people are excited for Fast 9. I can't wait for the next one.
Wait...hops and barley make you smarter?
Why do doctors make us wait at the hospital?
I can't wait until I'm 37
I'll really be in my prime.
If you ever miss 4:20, just wait until 4:22 comes, because 4:22 is 4:20 too
The quality of puns has taken a real dive recently but wait until you sea mine
You thought other puns were bad? Just wait until you sea mine
I was naturally excited to have stumbled upon this sub, the goldmine of dadjokes. Couldn’t wait to use one of it...so one day while I was browsing, my son asked what was I reading? I took a deep breath of absolute euphoria and satisfaction, grinned widely and said, “They r/dadjokes.”
The son said, “What’s slash dad jokes?”
Kids, right!
Why do writers wait for movie end-credits?
Tree: wait I’m a talking tree!!
Lumberjack: yes, and you will dialogue
A lumberjack was about to cut off a tree when it suddenly said "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack then said: "And you will dialogue."
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
Nurse : Sorry for the wait
Don't worry, i'm patient.
If yoo think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days.
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
SERVER: "Sorry about your wait."
DAD: "Are you saying I’m fat?”
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