Vent Puns

ICU later.

Sounds like another case of the flue.

Definitely not cool

After I duct, I found I conduit!

It was a reduction.

I was charged with draft-dodging!

Climate ConTroll.

It was our last warming.

She vented.

Suit yourself

Wife: You need to knock out the vent hole.

Me: I think due to the pandemic, we should wait.

Wife: Why?

Me: The country is low on vent hole laters.

They vent.

He told me he "saw orange vented".

Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."

Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."

Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems

Sorry. I just gotta vent.

He told me not to worry, I'm still in my prime.

I'm 23.

vent later

thank goodness I get to VENT a lot.

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

But it turns out to just be blowing hot air

It was exhausting.

And vented my anger. We got into a heated argument. I later apologized for losing my cool after he told me he was a temp working to complete his degree. We agreed to meet for some cold beers.

I think we'll have some hits.

He just needed somewhere to vent.

An heir vent.

love to vent about their job in order to cool off.

I asked him if everything was ok, he looks at me and says:

"I just need a vent"

but I just need t(w)o vent(s) right now.

It was quite the in vent shun.

Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.

So I work construction and it was me and 2 other guys working a few days ago. Working in an unfinished home when my coworker drops a tape measure in a small floor vent. Me being the smallest guy in the crew he asked me to see if I could reach it because he can't fit his arm in to grab it. So I was able to get it but it scrapped up my arm pretty good.

Coworker says "dang, that looks like it hurt, we could've gotten it another way. You didn't need to do that."

I reply with "It's okay, desperate times call for desperate measures."

Much grunting ensued.

Me: I wonder how the Lamborgini Aventador got it's name.

Cousin: Well look at it from the side

Me: Why?

Cousin: Well because there's a vent and a door

Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Target to get some clearance Halloween stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone b/c I'm getting a little uncomfortable. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mama' to me?" Inside I was like buuuuh?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like $40 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this horrible person, ready to drag her back in, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg hard enough that her wooden leg came off!! Omg how is this happening right now?! So I grabbed her other leg and started pulling! Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

Stepmother: its so cold in here

Patron: yeah we are sitting right under the vents.

Dad: thats why its called chilis!

So my brother was venting to me about this girl he was in a relationship with but is no longer with her.

Brother: ...I'm over her.

Me: Well are you taller than her?

Brother: Yeah...

Me: Then of course you're over her.

I then proceed to crack up while he takes a deep breath.

I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.

My dad told me I should have duct.

He was cleaning out the dryer vent.

"There's a lot of crap in here....heh, that's what she said."

Mom: > Can you please put on the vent?

Dad: > I'm more of a pants kind of guy, but if you really want me to...