Tours Puns

He said, "No, it's just a hip-hurt-potamus"

While my kids like it, my wife says it’s just a power trip.

Its axle rose.

While inside, I took a deep breath and said, "Ahh, nice dairy air!"

The woman next to me strongly disagreed. She didn't have to smack me though ...

It wasn't very long so my time there was brief.

He’s always telling people to come on bored

Cardinal Directions

Does this now make him Postpone Malone?

Unfortunately it was fully booked

No time Toulouse

Guess that makes him postponed Malone

Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?

Me: What?? Why not?

Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!

My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!

They asked me, "What's upstairs?" I replied," Unfortunately, stairs don't talk."

I couldn't afjord it.

.........Yup It's No Diggity. Instead No doubt.

I just read that Mariah Carey has been has been selected to play with Johnny Cash on his Resurrection Tour. There won't be an opening act, so it'll be only Cash n Carey.

Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”

It’s gonna be the “whirlwind tour”

I’ll see myself out.

Was giving tours of various buildings at my university this morning, one of the rotations was our Nursing building.

A mom asked “Is this Nursing school harder to get into than others?”

Looking confused, I opened and closed the door a little bit before saying “Nah, the door’s not that heavy”

Literally all the dads laughed while the moms and their children collectively groaned.

I've been doing horrible in the current tour so I told him:

"I'm going to lose a few tiers after this tour"

Son - "You don't have to cry about it"

While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.

Can't wait to hear My Corona played again!

The entire process was quite puzzling.

-Because they have so many legs!

It’s a little bit funny...

I just wanted some swat stickers

...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.

Me: That's a Segway

But as the guide explained, it started making cents.

It's my Czech-list

He remains adamant though.

It was one of those rare days at college where my friend Gerald and I had gotten out of class and we had nothing to do.

We decided to hop on a college tour just for fun and see what happens. I attempted to ask questions that would help the tour, but Gerald was asking very weird obvious joke questions.

We get to the chapel and Gerald asks “yeah, does this chapel have the necessary alter I need to make my many sacrifices?”

And then this dad next to me, living his daddest life, without missing a beat, turns to me and says: “The tuition is the sacrifice, am I right?”

It was insane

the persons name was richard

Rice, rice, baby

I was in complete ore the whole time

It took a little Seoul searching, but he eventually found his way.

So the could roam Rome!

Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed

Once you've seen one, you've seen the mall.