How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
These things write themselves
Why don’t fish weight themselves?
They have their own scales.
Why do some types of healthcare professionals only care about themselves?
Because they're nurse assists.
How do aliens keep themselves clean while in space?
Why can’t bicycles stand up by themselves?
Because they are two tired.
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?
That they're politicool...
Im biased but i think its genius
ASTROLOGY.... Because millions of stars and planets have spent billions of years lining themselves up....
....just to let her know, that "she'll meet someone with nice eyes today."
How does a Russian cool themselves down on a hot day?
"Are those your pants, stumbling around by themselves and puking all over everything?"
"Yeah, they're my high/wasted jeans."
Two chefs are working on a meal, the first chef is caramelising onions when some spill out the pan, the second chef says “what happened? Onions can’t jump by themselves”
the first chef responds with “they can if they’re spring onions”
I working on "Warcraft - The Musical". The songs write themselves.
- My horde will go on
- Alliance sleeps tonight
- A horde day's night
In a village, far far away, two farmers often had a competition within themselves to see who harvests the most every 6 months.
After failing to win for about 9 times in a row, Jaime, hired a spy who will go and check Jack's harvest the night before the contest so he can harvest more. As the spy came back the night before, he informed the farmer Jaime about the amount that he saw inside Jack's yard but he was not able to tell the amount in exact. Jaime took the spy to his paddy field, gave him some extra money than what they initially agreed upon and said...
"You reap what you saw".
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?
What do you call it when a bunch of crows kill themselves?
I hear some of them even shot themselves.
I went over to a station where people could gather and entertain themselves with games. On the entrance was marked “5”
Anyone out shopping looking for paper towels can officially call themselves...
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?
A large gathering of priests and nuns arranged themselves to form an image of Christ visible from space...
But it wasn't for altruism of course, they all stood to make an enormous prophet.
Everyone was surprised when transgender women fought for themselves in society.
Not me. I knew they had the balls to do it.
I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves
The Pentagon has a bakery where government agents learn secret recipes by mixing the ingredients themselves...
It operates on a knead to know basis.
Where do cats learn to clean themselves?
Ever notice bankers tend to keep to themselves?
They're loaners by nature.
Those caught in a light infraction may find themselves in a prism
Bakers don't like themselves very much.
They are known to be self loafing
How does an eskimo introduce themselves to others?
Do you think people in Finland who lose their citizenship consider themselves unfinished?
In my opinion, the best people focus on themselves.
What do sheep do when they accidentally cut themselves?
The other day during dinner, my 9 year old son said, "did you know there are some numbers that can only be divided by themselves and 1? Like 43."
I responded, "that is a prime example."
'So you think you can dance Canada' missed a great opportunity to call themselves 'So you think you Canadance'
When birds embarrass themselves..
Some people do martial arts to defend themselves. . .
Others do them just for kicks.
"People who quote themselves are dumb"
Does the orbit between earth and mars of all teapots that do not contain themselves contain itself?
70% of people play with themselves in the shower do you know what the other 30% do?
Narcissists can go fuck themselves
How do bakeries that sell dairy products advertise themselves?
What does a group of racist designers call themselves?
Goats don't instinctively know, and have to find out for themselves, that if you sleep with a jackass, mule regret it.
How can lions see themselves
How do pigs wash themselves?
I heard about cannibals who eat themselves
They're so full of themselves
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