Why did Poseidon like his wave technique?

It was trident tested

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Should we give Captain America's fight technique a name. I have one.

Capslock

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geeky_or_nerdy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
There was a film made about Dick Fosbury's high jump technique

It was a flop.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gc1998
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend just got his PhD in using historical and literary techniques to understand piracy and its cultural connotations.

He's an aye doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who’s mastered the technique of wedding photography?

A marital artist

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you ever hear about the super-secret nunchuck technique?

Well it’s nun of your chucking business.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roosterinmyviper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Ex-hula hoop champions wouldn't even understand the sophisticated techniques of current competitors.

They've just been out of the loop for too long.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Bans on Plastic Straws is Leading to Some New Techniques
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gcarsk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The US doesn't condone torture techniques like waterboarding.

We prefer the term "tactical baptism".

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Amazing new weight loss technique?

So I saw this crazy salesman trying to convince every passer-by that you can lose weight just by repeating a special series of weight loss mantras every day.

"Fat chance!" I called out, rolling my eyes.

"EXACTLY!!!" he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: The new popular therapy technique calls to express anger at everything, no matter how small the issue may be.

It’s all the rage.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I learned a new fencing technique the other day but I can't post it here.

It's a riposte

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metaqizzical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Have they taught you the uranium dating technique?

It's Explosive.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Circuited
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a dentist's favorite relaxation technique?

Transcendental meditation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AirBallistic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new greens keeper at Wembley? The one doing all the experimental grass cutting techniques.

His colleagues are calling him the avant-gardener

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheik_yerboutis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A bit of word play

I would love to hear your own jokes you have written that use word play or other punny techniques. Here is a joke I wrote:

My friend said, " Me and Holly are going to the mall today." I responded, "You mean, Holly and I." My friend, "You're such a grammar nazi! You know what I meant." I respond, "No, it is you who is a grammar nazi because you're anti-semantic."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kind-Today-8988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.

They taught me periscoping techniques.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HouseofKannan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other β€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a5paperblank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Failed cloning.

I thought I had perfected my cloning technique but something went terribly wrong. I just got ahead of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PolymathEquation
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my wife while making the shopping list

Her: So how are we doing with Toilet Paper?

Me: I've been practicing for 30 years, i think i got a good technique going.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bnicoletti82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Why are some people bad at serving tea?

They have pour technique

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nwzy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Are you from Europe?

Are you from Europe? because I couldn't help but Czech you out. Now now, I know I need to polish my techniques, but there is Norway I could resist.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/An_Oatmeal_Vendor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad likes to help cut up all of our cardboard boxes in the garage, and compactly pack them for recycling...

I joked with him about how the boxes are piling up and I need him to cut them up. He lives overseas so he said that if I buy his plane ticket, he'll come and do the work. I told him that my gardener Ebodio will cut the boxes if I ask him to, and much less money. To make my dad feel better, I (half-jokingly) say that Ebodio's technique is not as good and he will be slower, but he'll be a whole lot cheaper.

My dad's response: "I feel like I am being undercut"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ziggyfro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Reading about some college football prospects

With my girlfriend next to me, I was going over a 2016 NFL college prospects. Oregon has a defensive lineman named DeForest Buckner.

Girlfriend: "Is he any good?"

Me: "Some scouts think he leaves a lot to be desired with his technique, but I think they're just missing DeForest for DeTrees."

It was wasted on her.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firethecannons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.