A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I spoke to a weatherman last night.

We were talking up a storm!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I absentmindedly bought a block of cheese. As soon as I unwrapped it, it spoke, saying, "I'm depressed. Can you help with this sadness?"

Damn. I picked up bleu cheese.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: β€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.”

Rather worried, Noah said β€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”

β€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.

β€œThen why another ark?” Asked Noah.

β€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded β€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”

β€œBut not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied β€œUh- okay my Lord.”

β€œOne more thing.” The Lord said unto him β€œit needs to have multiple levels.”

β€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.

And God said: β€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.

"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was 4 I asked my dad what languages my family spoke and he said "Gibberish" as a joke

So I spent the next 10 years telling everybody that my family spoke Gibberish and English and always wondering why they would laugh after I said that

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/applesauce0101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Haven’t spoke to my wife for the last three weeks

Didn’t want to interrupt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDJ007
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on safari last year and spoke to a native African girl for hours

We just clicked

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
People used to describe my father as a real β€œMan’s Man” the type to get all the men talking at the party. However he never really spoke to me,

I guess to me he was more of a β€œMime’s Man”.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A hot actress tried out for my play. She spoke the archaic version of "your" beautifully...

She had nice "thy"s.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my Mexican friend if he spoke gation

He says, no obligation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My bottle of Chardonnay just spoke to my steak! It said, "you smell great!" The steak responded, saying "you're a great vintage yourself!" The meal was delicious!

I guess the secret to a good meal is pairing food and wine that compliment each other!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImJesusBro
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
"This," spoke /u/zarathustra.

My girlfriend says this joke is way too nerdy for Facebook, so I hope you kind people will accept me for who I am.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asdfman123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
There once was a farm, famed for the high quality of product from the award winning cows, many spoke of it in hushed, respectful tones, but none could say where it was, and many claimed, but none could prove that they had been there.

It was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I noticed my son's dress shoes were unlaced and dragging on the ground as we were leaving church on Sunday. My wife spoke up and said, "now honey, he's probably just stylin'"

I replied, "More like he'll be trippin' the way I see it."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackrabbits1im
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A vegan girl came up to me and spoke as if we knew each other.

I had never met herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I was on a date and said to the waiter β€œI would love the bo-log-nayz and a white wine.” Laughing my date said β€œI didn’t know you spoke another language.”

I replied, β€œyeah, I’m trylingual.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I spoke to a man who wouldn't stop talking...

...nice guy though. Turns out his name was Bob Loblaw.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/civicbro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I spoke to a German about walls

Apparently his country was divided on the subject.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Tap dancing, as an art form, never really spoke to me...

...until I learned Morse code.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My blind friend Miles was telling me his service dog just spoke to him the other day....

...."I can see for Miles."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
After a dad joke my father says, "I bet you never knew that I spoke..."

PUNjabi!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethansig
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
🚨︎ report
I just spoke with Bill Withers and told him "Ain't No Sunshine" is poor grammar.

He said "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know..."

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I met a North African girl the other night, and we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed.

"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alec935
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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