Knee-Slapper?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maiiflower_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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That’s a knee slapper.
πŸ‘︎ 370
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andr3w741
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Overwatch on Twitter with the knee slapper
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ujaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
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First ever beer with my Dad and he hits me with a knee-slapper

Me: "Wow, you can tell this isn't a Lite beer."

Dad picks up the beer and puts it back down

Dad: "Well yeah, it's 16 ounces!"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elderly_Man
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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What happened to my husband? After two kids, he thinks this is a real knee-slapper.

What did the shoes say to the pants?

What's up, britches!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catsasss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Wife called it a knee slapper, I think she was lying

We're driving along and my wife is complaining about the lack of mild weather compared to when we grew up.

Wife: I haven't had a really good fall in years

Me: That's because you've had me here to hold you up!

Wife: http://i.imgur.com/sPwgpLj.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ybnormalman
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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My grandfather hit me with a real knee-slapper in the car today

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the giraffe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dc8291
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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A guy walks into an empty bar...

He doesn't see the bartender behind the bar so figures he must be back in the stockroom. As the man walks across the floor he hears a quiet voice say....."nice pants!"

He looks around but sees no one, there are no other people in the bar. He shrugs it off and keeps moving towards the bar.

Then he hears....."your hair looks great!"

Again, he looks around but doesn't see anyone. A little freaked out, he takes a seat at the bar and hears....."I like your tie!"

At that moment, the bartender emerges from the back room and asks "howdy sir, what can I get you?"

The man replies "well, I'll have a whiskey, but I have to tell you the strangest thing has happened to me since I walked in. I keep hearing some voice that keeps saying nice things about me. I must really need that drink I guess."

The bartender smiles and says "ahh, don't worry about it, that happens sometimes, it's probably just the peanuts".

"The peanuts?" asked the man, even more confused.

"Yes, the peanuts" explains the bartender.....

"they're complimentary"

:)

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thundernugs_
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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Argentina is kind of cold this time of year...

In fact, it’s borderline Chile.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OCR9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Hey my first joke here is about Patella injuries

It’s a real knee slapper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPaulGraner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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My friends claim I'm the cheapest person they ever met

I'm not buying it

πŸ‘︎ 301
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Ever hear the one about the domestically abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

It's a knee slapper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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What do you get when you boil your funny bone?

Laughing stock.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leadfootliam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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So I'm one of them now

This just happened about an hour ago.

I was holding my infant son, and my wife asked me to hand her the Aquaphor. I said it is a shame we don't have a Dickphor. She just stared at me.

"I don't know what you are saying," she said flatly.

"A dickphor. You know, a dickphor."

"... no idea."

"Oh you know, a dickphor." At this point I'm laughing.

"Wha... I get that you are saying 'dick' instead of 'qua', but I don't understand what that means." She was laughing too by now.

"A dickphor! You've heard of a dickphor! A dickphor!" I figured if I said it enough, she would eventually give me the reply I now needed more than anything.

"... what is a dickph-" she realized in that moment that she had given me exactly what I was after. I could see in her face that she wanted to go back, to un-ask the question. But it was too late. I couldn't hold back long enough for her to even finish the sentence.

"PEEING!" I squealed triumphantly. Not since the Parthian capharacts defeated the calvary of Crassus at Carrhae has a victory tasted so sweet.

We both laughed long enough for our 8 month old son to realize that he was doomed to a life of dadjokes.

πŸ‘︎ 594
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatbridge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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Proud of myself for dadjoking my dad

I called my dad tonight,

Me: What's up?

Dad: Oh, just fixing tacos.

Me: Oh no, how did they break?!

he loved it :)

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThereIamHey
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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Did you hear the one about the short person who tried to start a fight?

It's a real knee-slapper, I tell ya!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AceEntrepreneur
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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My favorite dad joke is my hand

It's a real knee slapper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snarf-diddly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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Security Guard's Repeating Joke

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad-fish89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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My accounting professor asked us "Do you know where the smartest people in America work?"

"At the U.S. mint because all they do all day is make cents"

....what a knee slapper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammyGreen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2014
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Living near a farm

We lived near a farm that had a corn field adjacted to the road we lived on. So I'd get this one on a regular basis..

*Us driving by the field

  • Dad: Hey, don't tell me any secrets.
  • Me: Why not?
  • Dad: Because the Ear's are listening.

He must've thought that was the funniest thing in the whole world. "A real "Knee Slapper"". Then he would slap his knee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hunterliv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2013
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