You can shoot people with mayonnaise, but not other condiments
Your crimes will then ketchup to you.
Couple of coworkers talking about which eye they shoot with...
then they asked which eye I shoot with. I said neither, I use my finger.
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
What pokemon shoots holy water?
My 10 year old son said, “Hey Dad, do you know why I want to shoot a hog?”
“So we can have hamburgers!”
He was serious but it still cracked me up.
A man called Bart walks into a club and the man behind the bar shoots him.
He goes “ they don’t call me the Bartender for nothing”
For this year’s Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.
Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.
why did the hunter shoot the map on the wall?
You and your wife are playing hockey and she shoots
What body part do we shoot arrows with?
What does the cheese say when it shoots a basketball?
What person can shoot somebody, then frame you for being there?
I was about to shoot some pool with my friend Jacques and asked him, “Hey, where is your cue?”
He said, “It’s between the c and the u.”
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
A whale is masturbating. His sperm shoots out and thanks him.
He replies " You're whale cum!"
Did you hear about the basketball player who tried to shoot hoops on a hockey rink?
If I could shoot rockets out of my feet,
I would call them missile toes.
Have a Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
What happens if you shoot down Santa's sleigh?
"Dad! Why did you shoot the TV?"
"I needed to take a screenshot, son"
What do you call a prostitute that shoots radio waves out of her nipples?
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and say, "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
Bob takes a stroll while talking about an old shoot 'em up
Yeah, he's a walking Contra-diction.
Alternative for the logic nerds:
Bob is always honest, and he says he doesn't like shoot 'em ups. His identical twin Joe says he loves shoot 'em ups. How do we know Joe is honest? Because if something is true, then so is its Contra-positive.
What did the dog say after his Dad was involved in a shoot-out?
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin’ Terry
Who do you call someone who shoots up a bakery?
Who decided to call it a gun box, and not a shoot case?
What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?
What is it called when you shoot a cup?
What does the Pornhub director say to the pornstars after the shoot?
Thank you all for coming.
What do you shoot a killer bee with
How does a Catholic gun sound when used to shoot?
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt
What will the Secret Service shout if someone tries to shoot Trump?
What sound does a basketball made of cheese make when you shoot it?
Did you hear about the gun that only shoots Israeli produced bullets?
I hear it's a semite automatic weapon.
I'm a pretty good golfer and I normally shoot in the low 80s
Any hotter than that is uncomfortable
5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many do you have left?
Zero. The rest would fly away.
A meth addict tried to shoot me with a sniper rifle.
He was a real crack shot!
I wanted to shoot your mom in the face. She didn't let me.
Nine months later, you were born.
As I was racking up to shoot some pool with my son, he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We just got here. How lazy are you?”
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