Security guard Puns

A list of puns related to "Security guard"

Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

👍︎ 10k
💬︎
👤︎ u/FoldaHolda
📅︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?

Because he is not the best of the mall

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/EquipmentNearby80
📅︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?

you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/fitblubber
📅︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do dentists and security guards have in common?

Cavity searches.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/bogtownboy
📅︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.

Guardians of the Galaxies

👍︎ 42
💬︎
👤︎ u/beingjac
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/karanrime
📅︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?

The poolice

👍︎ 54
💬︎
👤︎ u/ohhnoitsmeagain
📅︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?

You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.

That's just creepy...

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/UnusualPete
📅︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?

A bouncer

👍︎ 16
💬︎
👤︎ u/Chonqme
📅︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard at a samsung store

Guardian of the Galaxy

👍︎ 59
💬︎
👤︎ u/-_Anirban_-
📅︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.

Barry R.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/DenialTwister
📅︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Samsung store’s security guard

A guardian of the Galaxy Credit:u/eatsleeprepeat101_

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/hidininthetrees
📅︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear that Samsung are employing security guards at all their stores now...

...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?

:D

Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.

EDIT: for removal of apostrophe

👍︎ 2k
💬︎
👤︎ u/scalesthefish
📅︎ Nov 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.

Me: it’s a service burrito.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/dohpaz42
📅︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the poet hire a security guard?

He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/kungfujohnjon1
📅︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Are the security guards at rubber ball factories

Known as "bouncers" ?

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/Shaftdriven73
📅︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a coffee bean security guard?

A grounds-keeper

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Degtyrev
📅︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?

Coalgate.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/sodomicity
📅︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The only time someone was checking me out, they were a security guard at the airport.
👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/JoshP99
📅︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the security guard dog say to the drunk fan at the football stadium?

“Sir, if you want to get ruff, we can take this to the barking lot.”

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/kailebeverettart
📅︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Got the security guard while leaving work today

I was walking by the front desk with a leaf blower and the security guard puts his hands up and says "leaf me alone!"

i smirk at him and quickly come back with "Ahhh, I tree what you did there"

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/mickeymouse4348
📅︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Security Guard's Repeating Joke

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

👍︎ 32
💬︎
👤︎ u/bad-fish89
📅︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.

I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.

👍︎ 8k
💬︎
👤︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
📅︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy

👍︎ 1k
💬︎
👤︎ u/detrickster
📅︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office

I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.

👍︎ 540
💬︎
👤︎ u/Automated-Waffles
📅︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

👍︎ 32
💬︎
👤︎ u/Samuelcbadams
📅︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If there are security guards outside of a Samsung store does that mean they are

Guardians of the Galaxy?

👍︎ 3k
💬︎
👤︎ u/Twigsnapper
📅︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?

Guardians of the Galaxy

👍︎ 6
💬︎
👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office

I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security

👍︎ 141
💬︎
👤︎ u/northamerican2
📅︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/lbrooks13
📅︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

Guardian of the Galaxy.

👍︎ 117
💬︎
👤︎ u/Big3151
📅︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung store!

Guardians of the Galaxy!

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/B-man44
📅︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store

Guardians of the galaxy

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/Noah84843
📅︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards outside samsung store?

Guardians of Galaxy

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/i_d_g_af
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
If I’m a security guard at Samsung

Does that make me one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

👍︎ 45
💬︎
👤︎ u/flytheblueflag4ever
📅︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards at a Samsung store?

Guardians Of The Galaxy.

👍︎ 36
💬︎
👤︎ u/InsecureTurdPilot
📅︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?

The Guardians Of The Galaxy

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
📅︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call security guards working at the Samsung Store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/purpmonk16
📅︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.