Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?

Because he is not the best of the mall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EquipmentNearby80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?

you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitblubber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What do dentists and security guards have in common?

Cavity searches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bogtownboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.

Guardians of the Galaxies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beingjac
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karanrime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?

The poolice

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhnoitsmeagain
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?

You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.

That's just creepy...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnusualPete
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?

A bouncer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chonqme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What do you call a security guard at a samsung store

Guardian of the Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-_Anirban_-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.

Barry R.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenialTwister
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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What do you call a Samsung store’s security guard

A guardian of the Galaxy Credit:u/eatsleeprepeat101_

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hidininthetrees
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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I hear that Samsung are employing security guards at all their stores now...

...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?

:D

Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.

EDIT: for removal of apostrophe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scalesthefish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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Security Guard: You can’t bring outside food in here.

Me: it’s a service burrito.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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Why did the poet hire a security guard?

He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kungfujohnjon1
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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Are the security guards at rubber ball factories

Known as "bouncers" ?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaftdriven73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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What do you call a coffee bean security guard?

A grounds-keeper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?

Coalgate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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The only time someone was checking me out, they were a security guard at the airport.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What did the security guard dog say to the drunk fan at the football stadium?

β€œSir, if you want to get ruff, we can take this to the barking lot.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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Got the security guard while leaving work today

I was walking by the front desk with a leaf blower and the security guard puts his hands up and says "leaf me alone!"

i smirk at him and quickly come back with "Ahhh, I tree what you did there"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickeymouse4348
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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Security Guard's Repeating Joke

I’m not sure, but I think this belongs here:

I work night shift as a unit clerk at a hospital, and there is this one old security guard who goes on rounds to every unit. He always stops at my desk and cracks really cheesy, cringe-worthy jokes. He has this one awful (awesome?) knee-slapper that seems to be a permanent fixture in his "dad joke" repertoire. He’s said it 3 or 4 times already since I’ve started working here in March, so I'm pretty sure this joke is constantly on standby for him.

This is the exact conversation every time:

Security dude: How are you doing this fine evening?

Me (purposefully setting myself up for it): Pretty good. How about you?

Security dude: Really? WELL, I’ve never been pretty or good, so I don't know what that's like! Hahahahahaha (continues to laugh like this is the funniest joke that’s ever been told).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad-fish89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.

I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/detrickster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office

I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Automated-Waffles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samuelcbadams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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If there are security guards outside of a Samsung store does that mean they are

Guardians of the Galaxy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office

I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security

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πŸ‘€︎ u/northamerican2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lbrooks13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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What do you call a security guard at Samsung?

Guardian of the Galaxy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big3151
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung store!

Guardians of the Galaxy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store

Guardians of the galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noah84843
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside samsung store?

Guardians of Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_d_g_af
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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If I’m a security guard at Samsung

Does that make me one of the Guardians of the Galaxy?

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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What do you call security guards at a Samsung store?

Guardians Of The Galaxy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsecureTurdPilot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung?

The Guardians Of The Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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What do you call security guards working at the Samsung Store?

Guardians of the Galaxy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpmonk16
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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