Because they belong behind bars.
When I asked "Why?" I was told...
Because it's my trampoline and I don't know you."
Repeatedly shouting βLet that sink in!β
Me: "Why?"
Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
A doormatt.
βOh we want the hottest girls you gotβ
Man: "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freaking Chihuahua?"
They said, "You can't come in, we're full."
I said, "I'll come back when you're hungry then."
Sucks dick like a pro. Doesn't let me cum and wants me to eat her ass.
Suddenly huge bouncer from before barges in and shoves me away with an unrelenting force. Proceed eats out Sky's ass like a boss
Yells "Sky's rim belongs to the nords"
(sorry for long post but friend sent this to me and i have no idea where it goes, could use some help)
An Italian woman, because you can't get pasta
The sink tells one of the bouncers: βCome on Iβve had a rough day, just let me in why donβt you. The bouncer replies: βMaybe youβre not the only one thatβs had a bad day, maybe I have too. Let that sink in.β The second bouncer opens the door.
The Deter Gent.
;D
My parents and I are visiting the US from Australia and a bouncer at the door to a bar asked to see my ID so I handed it to him and after he checked it out he said, "Quick, say something Australian" to which I replied "Something Australian".
He gave me a smack on the back and a chuckle as I walked in.
One was assalted
My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...
"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."
"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."
"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"
"The tattoo guy?"
"Biblically."
"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."
"He was the best man at my wedding."
"I think I owe him $20."
"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"
"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"
"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"
Let me tell you that my wife hit the roof when she found out.
The bartender sees them and immediately yells at the bouncer, βHey!! Stop putting wholes in my bar!!β
A bouncer
The bouncer said, "You can't come in. You haven't got a tie."
The man replied "Yes, I have. It's this piece of string."
The man asked the string "Are you a tie?"
The string replied "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Bouncer says "you better not try to start anything."
A bouncer.
Known as "bouncers" ?
The first piece of string says itβs all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, βno stings allowedβ and throws him out.
The second piece of string says, βyouβve got to be sneakyβ and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says βno stings allowedβ and throws him out.
The third piece of string thinks βmaybe if I disguise myselfβ. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, βhey, are you a string?β
The sting replies, βno, Iβm a frayed knotβ
He got in a fight with the bouncer at a club.
Talk to the bouncer.
Itβs stopped in its tracks by the bouncer.
βWhoa, whoa, whoa! No spoilers!β
Man walks up to a club, security stops him saying βsorry mate, canβt come in without a tie onβ. Man pleads but gets the same answer.
He goes to his car across the road and looks in the trunk, he can only find a set of jump cables so puts them round his neck.
He approaches the club again, the bouncer says βalright, you can come in....but donβt you start anythingβ
He was trying to get into a club one night, the club was busy, and when he got to the front of the line he could see the bouncer looking for an excuse to turn him away. "Sorry sir, you're just not dressed smart enough," He said, "you'll have to put on a tie."
So my dad starts walking up and down the street, asking people if he could borrow or buy their tie (he really needed to get in) but most people took him for some crazy person and turned him away. After trying for 10 minutes he saw a road side assistant car down the street. He rushed up to the operator and said "Please, I know you're not generally for this but by any chance do you have a tie I can borrow?" The serviceman replies "Sorry sir the best I can do is tie this set of jumper leads around your neck" He ties the leads around dad's neck and make it look all nice (making sure to hide the copper clips in his shirt), and dad heads back to the club. The bouncer looks him up and down again, nods and says, "You can come in, but don't start anything."
And the bouncer said to him "don't you go starting anything in here"
Guy goes to a fancy dress party piggybacking his girlfriend with his face painted green. Bouncer asks him 'what are you supposed to be?' the guy responds 'I'm a turtle and this is Michelle '
This guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place." Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found. In desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a Windsor knot, and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says...
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"
Me: "Why?"
Bouncer: "I donβt know you, and This is my trampoline."
