Because they belong behind bars.
When I asked "Why?" I was told...
Because it's my trampoline and I don't know you."
Repeatedly shouting “Let that sink in!”
Me: "Why?"
Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
“Oh we want the hottest girls you got”
Man: "A Chihuahua? They gave me a freaking Chihuahua?"
They said, "You can't come in, we're full."
I said, "I'll come back when you're hungry then."
An Italian woman, because you can't get pasta
The sink tells one of the bouncers: “Come on I’ve had a rough day, just let me in why don’t you. The bouncer replies: “Maybe you’re not the only one that’s had a bad day, maybe I have too. Let that sink in.” The second bouncer opens the door.
The Deter Gent.
;D
My parents and I are visiting the US from Australia and a bouncer at the door to a bar asked to see my ID so I handed it to him and after he checked it out he said, "Quick, say something Australian" to which I replied "Something Australian".
He gave me a smack on the back and a chuckle as I walked in.
There was a sign that said "No Cover" and underneath that was, "Live Band". I asked the bouncer if that meant that the band doesn't do any cover songs.
He didn't think it was funny
My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...
"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."
"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."
"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"
"The tattoo guy?"
"Biblically."
"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."
"He was the best man at my wedding."
"I think I owe him $20."
"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"
"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"
"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"
Let me tell you that my wife hit the roof when she found out.
The bartender sees them and immediately yells at the bouncer, “Hey!! Stop putting wholes in my bar!!”
A bouncer
The bouncer said, "You can't come in. You haven't got a tie."
The man replied "Yes, I have. It's this piece of string."
The man asked the string "Are you a tie?"
The string replied "No, I'm a frayed knot."
Bouncer says "you better not try to start anything."
Known as "bouncers" ?
A bouncer.
The first piece of string says it’s all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, “no stings allowed” and throws him out.
The second piece of string says, “you’ve got to be sneaky” and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says “no stings allowed” and throws him out.
The third piece of string thinks “maybe if I disguise myself”. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, “hey, are you a string?”
The sting replies, “no, I’m a frayed knot”
He got in a fight with the bouncer at a club.
Talk to the bouncer.
It’s stopped in its tracks by the bouncer.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! No spoilers!”
Man walks up to a club, security stops him saying “sorry mate, can’t come in without a tie on”. Man pleads but gets the same answer.
He goes to his car across the road and looks in the trunk, he can only find a set of jump cables so puts them round his neck.
He approaches the club again, the bouncer says “alright, you can come in....but don’t you start anything”
He was trying to get into a club one night, the club was busy, and when he got to the front of the line he could see the bouncer looking for an excuse to turn him away. "Sorry sir, you're just not dressed smart enough," He said, "you'll have to put on a tie."
So my dad starts walking up and down the street, asking people if he could borrow or buy their tie (he really needed to get in) but most people took him for some crazy person and turned him away. After trying for 10 minutes he saw a road side assistant car down the street. He rushed up to the operator and said "Please, I know you're not generally for this but by any chance do you have a tie I can borrow?" The serviceman replies "Sorry sir the best I can do is tie this set of jumper leads around your neck" He ties the leads around dad's neck and make it look all nice (making sure to hide the copper clips in his shirt), and dad heads back to the club. The bouncer looks him up and down again, nods and says, "You can come in, but don't start anything."
And the bouncer said to him "don't you go starting anything in here"
Guy goes to a fancy dress party piggybacking his girlfriend with his face painted green. Bouncer asks him 'what are you supposed to be?' the guy responds 'I'm a turtle and this is Michelle '
This guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie for this place." Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found. In desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a Windsor knot, and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the nightclub, where the bouncer says...
"Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything!"
Me: "Why?"
Bouncer: "I don’t know you, and This is my trampoline."
