I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didn’t draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and that’s when I drew the line.
A hooligan has been jailed for punching three police horses
Thankfully the horses are in a stable condition.
Someone forced me to watch a horror movie about clowns by punching me all the way to the cinema.
A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag. Trainer walks up and says "what gives?"
Boxer says "I'm exercising my rights"
A man is punching fire
He wants to be a fire fighter
I've got a friend who is really punching above his weight.
His girlfriend's fucking massive.
My friend said he's addicted to punching elderly fish. I said that's...
... a load of old codswallop.
I was disappointed in the Mussolini punching simulator.
It didn't really hit despot.
I saw a naked man in the park today punching a newspaper...
I'm sure he'll be hitting the headlines soon.
Just spent all night installing a punching bag in my home gym.
Why did Hugh Jackman punch a monk selling flowers?
Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars
I lost the tips of my feet in an accident, and later when I told my friend what happened he suddenly punched me.
Turns out he’s lack-toes intolerant
Was making a bunch of math puns and was threatened to get punched so sent this
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will "punch" a fish for no reason other than spite
That's called Toxic Molluskulinity.
We threw a house party that ended badly last night, my wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.
The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.
Looking for a sailing/ nautical punch pub
I’m looking for a punny Nautical pun for a punch I am serving.
Thank you in advance for any ideas
one of jokers henchmen got punched my batman
His face was in a goony for a while
I used to go out with a girl who used to punch me on my face everytime she had an orgasm
I didn't mind too much, until I found out, she was faking them.
2 drunk guys getting into a fight. One gets up and draws a line on the ground. He says "you cross this line and I'll punch you in the face".
That was the punchline...
What did the grape say when he got punched?
Nothing, but he gave a little wine.
A guy goes to a party,and was offered some punch
He drank a full glass.
He was offered a refill.
He declined.
The guy was one punch man.
Punch
What is a boxer's favourite drink?
Punch
So My my freind ask me if I wanted to get some punch
So we got some punch and left. This joke kinda fell flat since their wasn't even a punchline to begin with.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little shit used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What happens if you punch a frequency
I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.
But he did call her a "ho" like three times.
I punched Santa in the face
He called my daughter a "ho". 3 times!!!
Prom Night
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
My career as a street fighter didn't last very long.
I broke my hand punching a curb.
If killing a man is homicide
is killing a friend homiecide
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
I lined up everybody I ever wanted to punch in the face
And this is what I call a punch line
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
Why is it wrong to punch the wall when you’re frustrated?
The wall has never been anything but supportive.
What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
Seems like good parenting to me
My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a "GO VEGAN" t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far he's been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at him! I'm curious to see what happens once he goes outside.
Someone punched the blunt I was smoking.
Why won't swords go obsolete?
They are cutting edge technology.
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...
...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...
..it's a brand-new Rolex."
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, “No one does that to a woman...
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