How much is Donald Trump's life insurance payout?

One pence

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 15
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My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.

In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MookieV
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23
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What kind of car insurance does a rat have?

Road Dent Insurance .

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Gawd_of_oh_Lawd
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24
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Getting good dental insurance...

...is like pulling teeth.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jspittman
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20
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What do you call Batman insurance policies?

Dark Knight Returns

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blackdragon8577
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01
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I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.

They said, โ€œIf your tent gets blown away, you wonโ€™t be covered.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29
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My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.

They said I have a pre existing condition.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/boogerknows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15
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Do I need insurance for that?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aDeamon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 11
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New glasses are $144 after insurance.

Thatโ€™s gross!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TwilightSolomon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 14
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I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.

I had to go with the Flo.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07
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What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?

Malware practice.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/refward
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17
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What is the best car insurance a snake can get?

Fully cobrahensive. ๐Ÿ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JonTheStarfish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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My dad sells life insurance

And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. โ€œ[His Name], your agent for lifeโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LaughingHyena12
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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Me: that was the insurance company

Dad: whatโ€™d they say? Me: theyโ€™ll pay me for the tow Dad: why do they want your big toe?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheAbsentMinded1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?

Because he already had... anti-accidents.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/roastytoastywarm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?

It's Flo Rida

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wuellig
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.

And through it all, he offered me protection!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pmak13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jan_Tik
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, โ€œIf your tent gets destroyed, you wonโ€™t be covered.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.

So I think Iโ€™ll get a quote.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/A-Bomb_Firocious
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.

I told him he really should look into it.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xerafoo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Elon Muskโ€™s car insurance must be astronomical!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JingleCake
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mmaxic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.

They said, โ€œIf your tents get blown over, you wonโ€™t be covered.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.

They said, โ€œIf your tents get blown away, you wonโ€™t be covered.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2019
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If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...

Would I have to foot the bill?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Pun-isher42
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.

They argued it was an act of cod.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LegsAJimbo
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2019
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I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.

They said that if my tents get blown away, I wonโ€™t be covered.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping

I wouldn't be covered.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CecilBlight
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jbro00
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted ยฃ2,000.

Itโ€™s ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dave11899
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What would Fleetwood Mac get insurance for?

Landslides

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dorthraki
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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I asked my wife if we should get pet insurance this year

She asked: What does that in tail?

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Insurance cares after all reddit.com/r/Showerthoughโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Father-O-Tool
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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What insurance covers sex changes???

Progressive!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/eekamouse22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars.

They're driving wrecklessly.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/arrenlex
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...

it's called "oopsie daisies"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AndrewBrisco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
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Gf: I learned a lot about insurance at work today. Specifically high risk pools.

Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life guards on duty.

(The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Loplo_Fox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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My brother turned 45 and decided to buy a bunch of insurance he didn't need and couldn't afford.

Typical MetLife crisis.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aquavittle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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In superhero movies, does car insurance cover The Hulk throwing my car into a spaceship? ipfs.pics/QmWAatTSa5CU3yzโ€ฆ
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yousosweg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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What did the uncircumcised penis say to the insurance salesman?

"I'm already covered."

edit: shameless plug - wrinkledforeskin.wordpress.com

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GoldenChristian
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2015
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*Drops phone* well thank god for insurance!

Dad: No that's an Out of Pocket expense!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gooterman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2016
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If someone slips and falls on purpose, to claim insurance it should be called...

A Fraudian Slip.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/silentpl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by...

Switching my car into reverse and speeding away from the scene of the accident.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aaron1312
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
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Dadjoked my insurance adviser today

I had a meeting with an adviser at the bank to discuss life insurance.

Him: "Do you have a Will, by any chance?"

Me: "I don't have a Will, but I have a Way."

Him: "Haha! I like that!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bopoqod
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2014
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