How much is Donald Trump's life insurance payout?
My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
What kind of car insurance does a rat have?
Getting good dental insurance...
...is like pulling teeth.
What do you call Batman insurance policies?
I went to get tornado insurance for my camp site, but the bank refused.
They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.
Do I need insurance for that?
New glasses are $144 after insurance.
I guess I have a bad driving record because only 1 insurance company would take me as a customer.
I had to go with the Flo.
What kind of insurance does an i.t. guy have to sign up for?
What is the best car insurance a snake can get?
My dad sells life insurance
And on his calendars he mails to his clients he put. “[His Name], your agent for life”
Me: that was the insurance company
Dad: what’d they say?
Me: they’ll pay me for the tow
Dad: why do they want your big toe?
Why did the orange refuse to get car insurance?
Because he already had... anti-accidents.
Did you hear that lady in the Progressive Insurance ads has been dating a rapper?
I was sat next to an insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams last night.
And through it all, he offered me protection!
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
I tried to get insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tent gets destroyed, you won’t be covered.”
I have to write a paper about insurance, and I need to use in-text citations.
So I think I’ll get a quote.
My nephew told me that he's never had vision insurance.
I told him he really should look into it.
Elon Musk’s car insurance must be astronomical!
On an article about a woman who sawed her hand off to claim insurance
I tried to buy tornado insurance for my camp site, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tents get blown over, you won’t be covered.”
I tried to buy some tornado insurance for my campsite, but the company refused.
They said, “If your tents get blown away, you won’t be covered.”
If I got an ingrown toenail but my insurance didn't cover it...
Would I have to foot the bill?
A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I won’t be covered.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping
My local farmer's insurance had this outside their window.
I phone up the insurance company about my Delorean and they wanted £2,000.
It’s ridiculous I only want to drive it from time to time.
What would Fleetwood Mac get insurance for?
I asked my wife if we should get pet insurance this year
She asked: What does that in tail?
What insurance covers sex changes???
We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars.
They're driving wrecklessly.
i started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
it's called "oopsie daisies"
Gf: I learned a lot about insurance at work today. Specifically high risk pools.
Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life guards on duty.
(The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)
My brother turned 45 and decided to buy a bunch of insurance he didn't need and couldn't afford.
What did the uncircumcised penis say to the insurance salesman?
"I'm already covered."
edit: shameless plug - wrinkledforeskin.wordpress.com
*Drops phone* well thank god for insurance!
Dad: No that's an Out of Pocket expense!
If someone slips and falls on purpose, to claim insurance it should be called...
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by...
Switching my car into reverse and speeding away from the scene of the accident.
Dadjoked my insurance adviser today
I had a meeting with an adviser at the bank to discuss life insurance.
Him: "Do you have a Will, by any chance?"
Me: "I don't have a Will, but I have a Way."
Him: "Haha! I like that!"