So my dad thought he would try the ultimate dad joke card game with my 4 year old daughter... good old 52 card pick up!
They sit down, he gets her excited to play, he does the cards all over thing and they both laugh. My 4 year old daughter then picks up 2 cards and says "Here you go!" in a drop mic fashion and walks away to go play something else. She handed him a 5 and a 2.
Her: So I hear you have a girlfriend?
Son: (passivley since its his first real "relationship") Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that.
Her: So what's her name?
Son: Miranda.
Her: Well you better treat her with respect. You're gonna pay if you don't because Miranda has rights.
So today in school we were went on dates with energy (we were given a random energy and fact about them) so I said "I sure hope I get geothermal because then they'd be hot...
One of the funniest school puns; science puns
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style.”
I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.
Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.
Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.
Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.
Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: “Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.” “Are you sure?”
“Ye
... keep reading on reddit ➡I was never included in anything.
Father in Law
I said that calculating to 2 decimal places was enough for almost all equations, and 3.14 was "accepted" as Pi. He INSISTED on taking it to 5 decimal places, stating that 3.14159 was far more accurate on a large scale, and reducing to 3.14 would cause errors.
While I agreed with him on some issues, I persisted that I was correct. Most calculations in school don't require 5 decimal places, and he was just creating unnecessary work. His retort was that school was about learning, and we needed to learn how to do things the right way and not the easy way.
Naturally, this got pretty heated. We raised our voices, got angry, used some harsh words trying to prove our points, and both got detention for arguing and disrupting the teacher's lesson.
And that's the story about how I go suspended for math debating in class.
But science has proven that wrong
Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?" "Erm, I don't know" I replied "Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing
"Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs" "Donald Duck" I replied
"No, all ducks you idiot"
When we got to the front gates, he said, “Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
I danced like no one was watching.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors today while the rest are here posting jokes on reddit.
I'm not sure what to make of it.
Naturally, they named her this year's ballet-dictorian.
But all I was doing was taking notes.
Cowculus (I love my dad, always has the best jokes ever)
Not even the students have heard of it
We had chemistry
His face lit up and he asked "really?"
"Yeah, the follow-ups to Ragnarok: Ragnapaper and Ragnascissors."
He is currently not speaking to me.
Son:Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow again...:(
He only had one pupil
Now he’s my archenemy.
We had a beef.
On the way home from school my son said that they dissected an owl, so I ask "Who, who?"
Me: "How do you know it was going to school?"
They didn't even know I existed.
Doctor!
Hopwarts
Because he went down in history.
Spelling.
"Oh yes," I said. "I saw them. But unfortunately I can't read sign language."
"It's because I'm grounded"
Junior: "There is someone getting stoned in it all of the time."
I thought that was just basic knowledge
It was my signature move.
He was ostrich-sized.
Graze Anatomy
He tortoise well!
You know what was really common on dissection days? Formaldehyde.
It’s OK. He woke up.
So people can see their Pet-Degree.
I don’t know what to make out it.
Father in law
Why is this happening to me, I was only taking notes!
Father in law
COWculus
All I was doing was taking notes
